Misfortune
by bluexxxcarnation
Summary: What happens when Bella expresses her love for Edward, but he doesn't feel the same? What happens when he finds out that he feels the same when it's too late? All Human.
1. Prologue

**My apologies for not updating ANYTHING at all. I needed something to buff my writing back up, so I thought "How about a Twilight story?" SO Here i am with my first Twilight Fanfiction. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters only the plot. **

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Prologue

My boots squeaked against the tile floor as I rushed out of the building.

_Almost there… almost free!!_

I let out a silent breath I didn't know I was holding in as my boots touched the pavement. I sighed as my skin made contact with the drizzling cool rain. It felt refreshing; it washed away my irritation, the confiding building already forgotten.

Another week of high school was done, and I, like many, was relieved. In fact, relieved was an understatement. I think I may have just found my sanctuary. I laughed softly to my dramatic epiphany.

Savoring the cool feeling of the rain, I searched for my keys. The sound of other students, whom I assume have been held back in class after the bell, began to pour out. Most of the voices I could recognize.

My hand waved timidly toward the small pixie girl, Alice. Her smile wasn't as energetic as it once was as she gave a small wave back and mouthed "bye". I sighed. I wasn't the same either.

Taking a deep breath, I continued looking for my keys. More numerous voices ran by my ears. I didn't care, but then my head automatically snapped to the right at the sound of my former best friend's name.

"Edward!!" I immediately regretted doing such thing. I couldn't resist. It was like a reflex, and stopping it was like trying to stop smoking right after smoking a pack of cigarettes or trying to stop a waterfall from flowing, nearly impossible. Turning my eyes towards my old rusty truck, I continued on my way deciding to get my keys there.

I could hear his cheesy reply back to the girl, whom I had no interest of identifying.

"Hey babe, I haven't seen you in awhile. Wanna catch up later?" He said back.

I could easily hear the double meaning in his words and I can also bet he threw in a wink just for effect. My blood boiled as I forced the answering giggle to the back of my mind.

Finally fishing the keys out I jammed it into the door and flung it open, slamming it closed after I got in. My numb hands gripped the steering wheel.

"Why does he have to be such a jackass?!!"

It didn't sound like a question to me. It was true, Edward Cullen was a player, a full out jackass.

Pointing this fact out, after numerous times made my breathing speed up, my head spin. After so many times of seeing him with other girls, saying to myself that he's not who you used to know, you would think I got used to it.

And that was my main problem… I wasn't used to it, I cared too much.

My eyes closed as memories bombarded my fragile mind. They slammed into me like a bull dozer. I sighed. It was painful to see these mental pictures, but it was also something I didn't want to forget. Edward used to be such a gentleman.

He was the boy that always made sure I got home okay. He was the kind of boy that made sure that I would never be left out. The kind of man that did his best to impress his father. The kind of son that loved his mother so very much.

What happened to him? What went wrong?

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**So here you have it!! I'm hoping that i'll be able to continue, because I don't know about you, but this plot is amazing. You'll just have to keep reading (and hope that i'll keep writing lol) So please leave reviews. And again i'm sorry for not updating. See y'all guys soon!!!**


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: I tried my hand at retyping this to improve it because it didn't seem to satisfy me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Twilight characters do not belong to me. They are a creation of Stephenie Meyer.

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Chapter 1

_Two months earlier_

I sighed out in frustration. How much longer did I have to deal with this kind of nonsense?

"When will she ever get a clue," I grumbled aloud to myself, my eyes glaring daggers through the windshield.

Lauren Mallory, who had once pretended to befriend me, was currently having another go at trying to woo Edward Cullen, my _boyfriend_, into a date with her. Apparently she couldn't get the clue that Edward was _off limits. _

I huffed audibly while crossing my arms in front of me.

Her back was to me and I could faintly hear her nasally voice as she spoke to Edward in a, I'm sure it seemed this way to her, seductive way. Amusement colored my face when I saw the slightest hint of a twitch in Edward's forced smile. His emerald eyes casually, almost too casually, turned back to look at me. _Help me! _They pleaded.

I stuck my tongue out at him only shaking my head at his grief.

"_Oh! Go wait in the car. I'm sure Lauren has something important to say this time,"_ he had said as we left the school building to head home. I told him that it was never important. She would take any opening for a grab at his attention.

My eyes burned holes in her hand when she gently placed her palm against his chest (a well chiseled chest, I may add). Feeling the need to end their conversation, I pushed a number on speed dial on my phone and pressed it against my ear.

A few rings went off, but my attention was only on the two in front of me. I watched as Edward looked at her apologetically before pulling out his phone. A glance at it and a sigh of relief he answered it.

"Hello?" his velvet voice said through the earpiece.

"Why hello Edward, I didn't think you would pick up considering you're so _busy." _I teased him watching as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Sorry. You were right and I should have listened to you." He angled his body away from Lauren a silent message that said their conversation was over. He spoke louder this time so that Lauren could hear him, "So, mother wants me home now?"

The girl huffed looking about ready to stomp her foot. She glared at his phone for a moment, then at me, before taking off.

"Yes. Oh wait, first she wanted you to go to the market and by every brand of cheese they have in the produce section," I said sweetly. I could hear his sigh through the phone. I smiled. "And she said that she forgives you for not listening to her."

His crooked smile crawled to his face. "Thanks."

"Now take me home! I have to cook for Charlie!"

Edward put his phone away before getting into his silver Volvo, which is where I was currently sitting. "Are you going to be cooking anything of the dairy variety tonight?" he asked with sarcasm while turning the ignition on.

"Oh yeah, I hope I don't get to crazy with the nachos."

Edward chuckled. "So how was your day?"

My mind flashed through all the events of my day, or lack of thereof. I smiled. "The usual."

"At least," he turned to me, his gaze smoldering, "you have cheese to spice it up now."

I could only laugh as he drove the rest of the way to my house.

About five minutes into the drive Edward spoke up again, "Bella, why do you always get defensive when Lauren is around."

"Isn't it obvious?" I asked. I thought it was. Edward was achingly handsome and there was no doubt in my mind that Lauren was the only girl out to get his attention. I just had the lucky card of knowing him even before we hit the age where cooties and nasty boys didn't exist anymore.

"Actually it's not. Please tell me." Twiddling my thumbs and biting my lips I began to blush. "Bella, please?"

I sighed before speaking. "You are extremely talented academically and musically. You are a charming handsome gentleman and any girl could see this." He said nothing, but continued to look forward. "And what's worse is that," I bit my lip again, "I'm unbearably plain. Girls constantly seek for your attention and… I don't know how you came to be with me." The last part ended with a whisper.

"Bella, you don't see yourself clearly. You say you look plain, but I would beg to differ. Bella you are gorgeous, and I'd have to say, your sense of equilibrium is quite endearing."

I blushed at his statement, but was far from convinced. I was not gorgeous. I had a plain face with dull brown eyes. My hair could hardly be called stylish and to top it off, I could barely walk straight. There was nothing gorgeous about me.

"All I'm trying to say is that compared to you I honestly feel incompatible. You, Edward, are an amazing person. Everything you do, you do well, beyond well really. Which is why I lo-," my body froze and I quickly amended my words, "care about you so much…" My voice drifted to a whisper. Edward shifted uncomfortable in his seat and I knew he heard what was about to slip out of my lips, but I continued with a quiet voice, "I just can't help but feel that I'm not enough, that there's someone else better for you."

It was silent after that. Edward kept his eyes on the road with his body tense. I lowered my head almost willing a hole to open and swallow me whole. A hundred thoughts pounded in my head, bouncing around.

I nearly confessed my true feelings for him.

Sure we were together, and I knew Edward cared about me more than just his best friend, but I loved him. So far he only knew that I liked him strongly, but there was more to it. I didn't want to tell him I loved him yet, because it would overwhelm him.

And I might lose him.

I dared to glance at him. What is he thinking?

His car pulled in my driveway parking next to my rusty truck. Neither spoke or move. The only sound that was heard was the faint music playing on his stereo and the pit patter of the drizzling rain. The tension between us was so think I was afraid that it was going to choke me.

At first his voice startled me as it broke the silence between us, "You should head on in before it starts pouring." He didn't even look at me as he said that. I stared at him, my forehead crinkling. He wasn't saying bye. He was _dismissing_ me. And it hurt.

My eyes began to sting, tears threatening to fall. "Yeah… I see you tomorrow. Will you pick me up?" Somehow I managed to keep my voice steady.

"Sorry, I have to run some errands before school," his tone was flat and hardly committed to his words. He still didn't look at me. My chest squeezed painfully and I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Oh… bye then." Gathering my bag, I stepped out of the car almost desperate to find refuge in my house.

"Yeah, bye," was all that reached my ear as I closed the door. Not waiting for him to leave I immediately ducked my head causing my tears to fall. I didn't bother to pull my hood up to avoid the falling precipitation and briskly walked towards my house. The rain seemed to mingle with my tears to the point that I couldn't tell which one was which.

Closing the door behind me, I walked to the window and watched as Edward carefully pulled out of the driveway. He didn't even give her a wave "good bye" like he usually did. My eyes stayed on his back light until it was too far to see.

I had the urge to say it out loud, but it wasn't the choice of words I thought would be heard. As it was lost in the air, never to return, I wondered just why exactly I spoke this outloud.

"I'm sorry."

But why was I sorry?

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A/N: It's short, but it covered what was necessary.

Reviews are appreciated!


	3. Chapter 2: Every Day Is A Struggle

A/N: Here's a repost. For some odd reason, the original document that was uploaded on here... apparently was no where to be found on my computer. Which was really strange... but it doesn't matter.

Enjoy!

Standard Disclaimer applies

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Chapter 2

Eyes shooting open, my body sprung into a sitting position. Hyperawareness took away my ability to take in my surroundings and it took me a moment to finally figure out that I was in my room. Cold sweat had broken out throughout my whole body and my breath irregular. My arms and legs felt numb, stinging as if I had just taken a cold shower, but it was so hot, burning even, in my room.

_It was just a dream._

"It was just a dream," I repeated out loud as if to reassure myself. It didn't work. I curled into myself, my arms wrapping around my legs. With a shaking sigh I pressed my forehead against my knees.

Dreams weren't supposed to make sense, right?

I had been standing in the woods and there were three other people there with me. One stood beside me, and I had thought it was Edward, but to my surprise, it wasn't. It was a familiar yet unfamiliar person. I could feel it, but I couldn't make out his face. Across the field were two other people. My eyes were drawn to the only figure that could be made out in this disorienting darkness.

_Edward, _I tried to say, but my voice was not present.

In most dreams, it seemed that mind and body were two different things. That's what it felt like at this moment. I felt present, but then I felt aloof, like I wasn't really there, but you just know you are! It was beyond frustrating.

It was like a mixture of watching through your own eyes and like watching a movie. Words were exchanged, but they didn't make it through my ears.

And then out of the blue, my heart felt extreme sadness, pain, and regret, there were so many emotions that it felt like they were fighting against each other. I didn't think I would be able to take it… and apparently I couldn't. My body just began to move; I ran and ran, towards a bridge. I climbed on the barriers of the sides that kept people from falling, but it wouldn't stop anyone from jumping.

This thought knocked my breath away. That thought was not mine, but I understood it. I was going to jump.

Now standing erect I stared off towards the rushing river below me. It was too far down, _it would work._

Again this thought was almost a physical force that seemed to punch me. It was not my own.

_WHAT ARE YOU DOING! _I wanted to scream to myself.

And just like all other dreams, when your death is approaching, or in this case, as I plunged to my death, I was awakened.

My breathing began to calm to a normal pace. I knew dreams mostly didn't make sense and for some reason I felt as if it was foretelling, as if it was a sign of something going to happen, but that didn't mean I understood it. My clock flashed that it was still early in the morning. Another long sigh left my lips as I pulled the sheets over me hoping that I could succumb to more sleep, but the vividness of my dream was unnerving, it sent a shiver down my spine.

My mind was exhausted already, my eye lids heavy. Already the thoughts of my dream seemed to fade away, but then one new thought appeared before I feel into a dreamless sleep.

_Why didn't Edward try to stop me from jumping?_

XxXx

The sound of my truck's engine starting startled me, making my heart leap in surprise. It's been awhile since I've driven myself to school.

I cranked up the heat, before pulling out of the drive way. The heat suddenly reminded me of the last night, when I had awoken so abruptly to my warm room. Why had I woken up? I searched through my mind for an answer.

A dream…

_What dream?_

I knew I had a dream, but I couldn't remember it. It was just a faint memory.

The image of Edward brought up a familiar feeling. I held on to the feeling in hopes of remembering the dream, but to no prevail. I sighed and pushed the thought aside.

Before I knew it, I was pulling into a parking space at our not so great school. The engine quieted. I gathered my back pack and got out into the cool fall breeze. At least it wasn't raining yet that usually meant it was going to be a good day.

"Hey Bella!" a voice called out.

"Hello Mike," I said as I turned around to face him an artificial smile on my face. Mike was a nice enough person when I first met him, but his persistence at trying to get a date me could make even the most patient person want to run away from him. I remained in my spot as he walked up to me. When he was finally in reach, a look of awareness appeared on his face. He scanned the area for a minute before returning his gaze on my face a smile on his lips.

"I see that Cullen didn't come to school with you this morning," He said abruptly. Ah, that's who he was looking out for.

"His name is_ Edward_," I hissed emphasizing his name and immediately getting annoyed with Mike.

He waved me off and continued. "Are you guys on a break or something?"

A break?

"No, why?"

"Well for one, he didn't take you to school for the first time in… well weeks."

"I'm dating him, not handicapped. I'm still allowed to drive myself. It's not a crime."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I just saw him around here earlier and when I saw that you weren't with him I was worried that you got sick or something. It's good that you're well though."

I was shocked. "How early did he get here?"

All of this wasn't making any sense at all. Edward said he had errands…

"About thirty minutes ago."

"Oh… thanks for telling me. I'll see you in Calculus," I said as I walked past him not waiting for a reply.

Did he lie to me when he said he had errands? Did he just say that so he can avoid me? I felt a pang in my chest with that thought and found myself willing that it wasn't true. My eyes scanned the parking lot for him. Spotting his disheveled bronze hair I called out to get his attention.

Upon hearing my voice his head turned, his face seemingly tired. I felt concern at his expression. Did he stay up later? Ignoring the worry that I felt I forced a smile to my face. "Good morning, Edward." He looked at me a sudden flash crossing in his eyes. My smile faltered for a moment. There was something wrong with him.

"Morning, Bella," he said as he walked towards me, but instead of hugging me or taking my hand like he used to, he stopped beside me silently waiting for me to follow. My smile fell.

"I heard that you got here early," I brought up casually watching with my peripherals for any unusual reaction. His eyes glanced at my face before returning forward.

"It just so happened that I got finished earlier than originally planned."

My steps hindered something in the back of my mind screaming: _lies!_ But I quickly shoved it forcefully to the back of my mind.

"Oh, well that's good to here," I tried to sound enthusiastic and genuine, but it came out pathetically, "Um… Edward, is everything okay?" He stopped walking and shoved his hands in his pockets, face downcast. Being at a shorter height I was still able to see his face. A sparking emotion passed through his eyes, but just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. I reached out my hand grabbing for his. Giving him a little squeeze I lowered my voice, "If something's wrong, you can tell me. You know that, right?"

His eyes clenched shut and I felt twinge of relief when his hand squeezed back. Picking his head up, he looked at me, emerald eyes piercing through me. I could do nothing, but stand there while he seemed to be searching for something. Whatever it was the he was looking for, he must have found it for his eyes narrowed minutely before growing soft. Reaching out with his free hand his fingers grazed my cheek his hand warm despite the cold. "I know," he soft gently, "everything's going to be fine." With that he gave me his usual crooked smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

My chest squeezed painfully, but nonetheless I nodded at his words. "Okay…"

His eyes hardened with resolve, his smile brightening, "In other news…"

I quirked my head to the side in question, "What?"

"Guess what I overheard the coaches talking about."

My face fell dramatically my body freezing in fear. "What… are they planning today?" I tried not to think about how my words came out as a squeak.

Edward's only response was his chuckle before he engulfed with a big hug. "You're playing dodge ball today in P.E."

I didn't bother to stop the look of utter, unadulterated doe-caught-in-head-lights dread that I suddenly felt. Was I hyperventilating?

After a minute, or maybe two, I finally smiled and Edward, taking him by surprise. With sincerity coating my voice I opened my dry mouth to speak.

"Thank you, Edward Cullen." He took a step back his eyes narrowing suspiciously.

The words came out slowly, "For what?"

"Ruining my day." And then I turned on my heel walking towards my first period class, leaving a laughing Edward behind me.

My morning classes seemed to pass by in a blur. I couldn't seem to remember doing anything at all. The only events that stuck out in my mind were all the times I made a full of myself at my failure to coordinate my left foot apart from my right which usually ended with my face planting the ground, or in someone else's arms who were kind enough to catch me.

As I made my way towards the cafeteria, I could feel the not so subtle energy coming from the little pixie known as Alice Cullen.

Alice was Edward's twin sister, though they looked nothing alike and had nothing, whatsoever, in common; they seemed to find mutual enjoyment in bugging me. Alice could barely pass for being five feet tall, or at least I say that just to make her feel better. She had dark black hair that was cut in a short style that was the partial reason she had her nickname.

She came up beside me and began humming to herself. I started to walk faster, but she began to skip. I turned towards her giving her a questioned look and she just shined her pearly white teeth and continued humming.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Oh nothing," she sang, "but hello to you too," Her eyes darted around slowly. Then she looked at her perfectly polished nails, her appearance giving of the sense of disinterest.

Oh, but I knew Alice, she was never uninterested. NEVER.

My eyes stayed glued on the exit the temptation to leave the pixie girl in the dust behind me pulling me like a rubber band. With a long defeated sigh, I turned my attention to the small girl. "What is it this time?" I groaned secretly fearing what she had in mind.

"It's nothing really, or maybe you just haven't been reading any of the new posters that are hanging around the whole school."

I blinked. "What new posters?" Alice pulled a rolled up poster _conveniently _from her backpack. All I could do was glare at the large piece of parchment. She glanced at my expression and giggled softly before unrolling the poster's contents before me.

"You are quite the sly person…"

She dismissed my words with a wave of her hand before ushering the poster into my face. The motion was so sudden that my eyes crossed for a moment before they refocused. "Anyway… READ!"

"Of course, who would dream of defying you, dear Alice?" She stuck her tongue at me. With a roll of my eyes I finally did as I was told. The more I read the more I suddenly wished I did make a run for the exit. When I reached the end of the poster, my eyes darted towards the small girl my expression wide. "You really don't think I'm going to go to this do you?"

Alice let out a dramatic sigh. "It's just a dance. Not the end of the world." I scoffed. She simple rolled her eyes before taking the poster from my hand and stuck it to a nearby bulletin board.

"But you know me. I'm not going." I tried to sound stern and forcefully convincing, truly, really I did. With one look from her I knew that she knew that I was stuck. My shoulders fell. "Why won't you leave me alone?"

"Because it annoys you and everyone just loves," she drawled the word out, "to do that," was her simple response as she steered me toward the cafeteria.

I could have sworn my eye twitched. "Oh you're an evil little pixie," I growled.

"And I love you so dearly too, Bella," she said happily, "but you don't have to have your panties in such a knot. It's not like we're making you go shopping… yet."

I rolled my eyes. "Woo is me! The infamous 'yet' of Alice Cullen!" Alice giggled shaking her head. I sighed, "nothing ever gets through to you."

"Which is why you love me," She gave me a cheeky grin as she dragged me into the cafeteria.

Upon arriving she shoved me into my routine spot at our round table. Jasper looked at me in question and I returned with a knowing look.

_Keep a leash on her! _

Jasper smiled apologetically as if he knew what I was feeling. Yes, because Alice's eagerness was so subtle.

"So Bella, I'm guessing Alice already broke it to you?" Rosalie asked as if the dance was big news.

I turned my annoyed eyes towards her. "Is it that obvious?" She laughed and I glared.

To think, I, Isabella Swan, was glaring at the once feared Rosalie Hale.

Rosalie, or Rose, was very intimidating when I met her. And when I say intimidating, I really mean downright scary.

Her outrageous beauty completely knocked me off my feet. People say that perfect models were classified as ones who were tall and slender, with perfect piercing eyes, and hair that would be used to weave clothing for the Gods (as disturbing as that sounds…). But Rose puts that description to shame… tenfold. She had the whole silky blonde hair and striking blue eyes look going for her pretty well.

At first she seemed to look down at me, for whatever reason I didn't know at the time. After some time she warmed up to me, or in other words, was able to stand to look at me for longer than a second. She later admitted that the only reason she gave me the cold shoulder was because it was her way of testing the new people she meets.

Apparently I passed, because now, she resorts to teasing me just like Edward. Fantastic...

Jasper was as equally handsome with the same blonde hair and blue eyes, but wasn't as hostile as his twin was. Jasper wasn't one to speak his feelings, but he always seemed to just know what you're feeling. The look of sympathy was always present on his face whenever Alice was around me.

When I had felt uncomfortable under his sister's gaze he just gave me a reassuring smile and had said, "Don't worry about her, she's just being a prune."

Other than the times you need that small smile or any reassurance, he was always aloof, quiet and kept to himself, even with Alice clinging to his arm, but any person could tell that she made him just as happy as he makes her.

I looked around to look for Edward, but he was no where to be seen which hit me as strange.

"Hey guys? Where's Edward?"

Jasper tore his gaze from Alice and looked at me. "I don't know, but I did notice that he's been spacing out a lot and being more of a jerk."

I blinked.

"Really?"

"Really," he said before turning his eyes back towards Alice who was currently getting my lunch.

XxXx

Before I knew it, the final bell rang. Gathering my things as quickly as possible I headed towards the parking lot, in hopes of seeing Edward. His presence seemed no existent except for this morning and the classes we had with each other. He still walked me to my class, but it felt as if his mind was elsewhere. It didn't seem to matter if he was there at all. I still felt like I was alone.

Cold air brushed against my face as I exited the building and to my surprise it still wasn't raining. This put a small smile on my face despite the feeling of sadness that made home in my chest. For some reason I didn't feel up to looking for Edward anymore. My mind set on simply heading home to make a cup of hot chocolate to ease the ache in my chest, I made my way to my truck.

Before I could even take two steps and sturdy arm wrapped around my shoulder a warm breath caressing my ear. "Hey Bella," his ever so silky voice said. The way his voice could make my heart skip a beat should have been illegal.

"Hey Edward," I said smiling at him, but it was short live when I took in his expression. His forehead was scrunched in frustration his body tense. "Are you okay?" He didn't reply. "Edward?" I poked his side.

"Huh? Oh… what?" Edward seemed to actually not have heard her early. Was he so deep in thought that he didn't even realize that he was spacing out? My smile started to feel heavy on my face before it fell. The worry I held for him didn't disappear.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah… Bella I need to talk to you." His eyes darted everywhere except at her.

Something nagged at the back of my head that he needed to do more than just talk. "Okay… go ahead."

"Not here though. In your truck."

I began to feel uneasy and jumpy. Before I could say anything, Edward already started to steer me to our destination. When we were close enough I circled around to the driver's side setting myself into the seat. The sound of the both doors closing reverberated within the small area. I didn't dare look towards Edward, but neither did I ignore his presence. The sound of his deep breathing and the eerie silence seemed to be louder than anything else in the world.

Hoping that he would speak first, I just sat still my fingers playing with each other. Not able to bear the silence any longer I finally spoke, "Okay… so what is it?"

Edward didn't say anything for a moment. The cold started to get to me, a shiver running throughout my body but I didn't bother to turn the engine on to crank the heater. The sound of the engine going off would surely put me one edge even more so than I was now.

"Bella," he finally spoke, "you know you mean a lot to me right?"

This took me by surprise and I finally turned to look at him. He was staring at the dash board still avoiding my eyes. I spoke carefully slightly confused. "Yes, what brought this up?"

"And you know that I wouldn't be able to live without you, right?"

His words started to shake me up. Almost urgently I touched his shoulder to get him to look at me. "What are you trying to tell me, Edward? Stop stalling."

"Bella… the past few weeks that we've been dating was truly one of the best moments of my life, but… it honestly didn't feel _right._"

What did he mean? I voiced my question aloud.

"Well… I don't think I can continue to be your boyfriend any longer. And the reason why is that, I don't think I can… have the feelings that are required in a relationship to do this. My feelings for you are only of friendship, and I stayed around to see if they can grow into something more, but they can't seem to do that."

His words started to sink in. My arm pulled away from him, my back settling fully against the seat. My face remained forward trying to remain composed, but I could feel my eyes burn. I already knew where he was going at. He didn't even have to say it.

Just as I had felt earlier, I suddenly didn't want to be around him.

"So… I just don't think we should be together anymore…" he trailed off his message already sent.

I took a deep breath and exhaled trying to calm my raging emotions. With a sharp nod, I turned my head away from him. "Of course," I whispered, "I will always be the one to understand many things… stuff like this happens, but there's always a reason."

"Bella… please don't be sad. I'm really sorry, but I still care about you and I'll always be around for you, for anything you need."

_Or in other words, I'm just saying this to make you believe that, in hopes things will be back to the way they once were._

"Yeah… I know…" I didn't want to say much, in fear that I might lose my control. I shoved my keys into the ignition and listened as the engine roared to life.

"Are you okay?" he asked as if what he just told me was an every day thing.

"Of course I'm okay," I lied through me teeth. There was no need for him to know the truth that I was the farthest thing from okay. He looked at me for a second and when I didn't say anything more the sound of the door opening and closing echoed in my ears. Somehow the sounds made it his words seem more final.

I should have known. If only Edward would have known that lying was as easy as simply talking. If only he knew that at this moment, I wanted to go after him, to cry my heart out. But I held still. I knew that crying wouldn't change a thing, that fighting against it would only make it worse, prolong it if you will.

And it hurt to think that at one point I thought he really did care about me in the way I wished for. But now I knew that you shouldn't give into a relationship in which you were willing to have it thrown back at you.

I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the highway towards my house. My body began to shake, my lip began to quiver, and for some reason my eye sight began to blur. Realizing that there was no point in holding my tears in any longer, I cried. And I cried loudly, knowing full well that no matter how loud or how much I cried, he won't be able to hear me.

* * *

A/N: So I think this one turned out better than the last. Even though there is less humor all the characters are well... in characters. Especially Edward. I wrote him as being too silly before, but I think I got it pretty close. It's been awhile since I read any of the _Twilight _books.

Reviews are nice.


	4. Chapter 3

**Well here's Chapter 3. Things are starting to build up, and is flowing better from my mental pictures into words. And my apologies for my absence. I've been stuck in reality for a long time and still am.**

**I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Same as always. All characters are not mine**

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Chapter 3

Normally, when you feel as if you're losing yourself, you want time to slow down enough for you to catch your breath so to wallow up in your pain, to be able to feel that pain consume your body to the point that you know that nothing else can overwhelm you as much as this does.

Because when this happens, you feel... "safe".

This is what I felt at the moment. Even as my eyes were closed and my ears opened, completely in tune with the infamous precipitation of Forks, I could feel the inkling remnants of my pain just waiting to jump out at me and yell "BAM!! You're dead!"

But I could feel an unnatural force blocking the pain out, like antibiotics for a disease. You know that it's there, you can feel it penetrating through you, waiting for an opening, but it simply doesn't pass through when you expect it most.

People claim that crying makes you feel better. As if each tear that falls from your eyes represents a fraction of your sadness as it leaks away from your body, never to been seen again.

But there were no tears, so there was no relief.

Could I not have a natural reaction to this at all?!

I grumbled to myself as my eyes opened revealing that I had been sitting on the couch in the living room for God knows how long. I chanced a glance at a nearby clock.

The digital numbers flashed happily at me: six o' clock. Charlie would be home soon meaning that I should start dinner.

I deeply inhaled as if the air being drawn into my lungs were winding me up enough for me to initiate actions.

'_Exhale, Bella' _I chastised myself allowing my lungs to deflate.

I squared my shoulders, determined to get through the day, but a small voice in the back of my mind mocked me miserable.

Was I going insane?

The next couple hours were a complete blur. I couldn't seem to remember if I had any kind of civilized conversation with Charlie during dinner. What did I even cook? I took a moment to worry if it was even edible.

Well seeing as Charlie wasn't accusing me of food poisoning and calling the ambulance, I'm sure I did fine.

Fully bathed and dressed, I crumpled into myself on my bed feeling completely incapacitated.

'_Brace yourself. This is going to be a long night,' _I thought bitterly as my body shuddered. The tears began to sting my eyes and my arms wrapped themselves around me in an attempt to hold me together. I gasped for air and turned my face into my pillow to muffle a cry that I released. I could feel my consciousness fading, but the pain was relentless.

'"Oh… Edward…" I whispered with unrelenting want as the darkness pulled me under.

This was the first time I dreamt of Edward and woke up screaming, but it certainly wasn't the last time.

They were dreams, never nightmares, and were a constant reminder of what I lost. What I wasn't good enough for. It was always the same dream.

I would be surrounded by people, incoherency all around me. Some faces I knew and some were unfamiliar, but the sound of his voice, Edward's voice, always broke through the confusion.

"_Bella! Bella! Hurry up!_ "His velvet voice would say slightly teasing, but I could never find him.

"_Edward! Where are you?!"_ I would yell as I pushed past the crowd of people around me. _"Edward! Please! Where are you? I can't find you!" _Then I would see his bronze hair shining through the crowd of people. A wave of relief would flow through me. My legs would stretch beyond their limit to bring me closer to him. When I'm finally able to see his whole body he would turn and walk the opposite direction. _"No! Edward! Please don't go!" _

The sound of my voice would only cause him to turn his head and smile his crooked smile, _"Hurry up, Bella,"_ he would say before continuing his walk bringing him farther away from me. My attempt at running couldn't seem to keep up with his walking stride.

The next thing I know the arms of the people around me would snatch me and hold me back, keeping me from reaching him.

"_No, Bella,"_ they all seemed to say in unison, "_Let him go." _And only when he would fully disappear from my sight is when I would fall to my knees giving into the truth that was blasting in my face. He didn't want me. At least not in the way I needed him.

With this realization I would awake with screams of pain. It only hurt, because it was true.

Days past and everything seemed to go on, because that's what life does. It continues on even if you can't.

My life became repetitive with the same events occurring again and again: Waking up prematurely due to unwanted dreams, school, study, cook for Charlie, and to return to my own personal hell that waited for me in the dark.

And there are days when I would see him and I would avoid him.

When he would come within sight of my eyes, I would cower in the opposite direction of him, but sometimes I would make an exception and watch him. I try to see if there was any change in him as there was change in me. I could find nothing, or at least, not what I was expecting.

He became more hostile towards me which was to be expected. "_I will always be around for you" _I scoffed at the memory. I couldn't seem to find my best friend in him anymore, but I couldn't help but try.

Every chance I had I would always chance a glance toward him, to find any change in his misdemeanor, to find my best friend. And I would always be left disappointed. You would think that the more time past I would get used to this disappointment, to learn not to look for what cannot be found, but the urge never ceased. I never stopped looking, watching.

The absence of him was everywhere. So much that I couldn't seem to find it in myself to be around Alice either. She seemed to understand seeing as she never tried to seek me out anymore. I was pulled away from everyone, everything.

Charlie seemed to notice. He often left me to brood in my sorrow, but at times he would press that my absence in human activity worried him. He even persisted that I move back with Renee, but even the thought of the sunlight caused me to grimace.

I found myself falling into a hole that was personally dug out for me, and I let myself fall. No one was going to catch me anyway, or so I thought.

It was between my agenda of studying and cooking for Charlie when things began to stir up in unexpected ways.

_Ring! Ring!_

If I was accustomed to natural reactions the sound of our telephone would have scared me into cardiac arrest. I took a moment to stare at the phone.

Blinking once… twice, I sighed before picking up the device. "Hello?"

"Bells?"

"Oh, hey Dad." I worked to keep my voice somewhat cheerful.

The sound of his exasperated sigh made it clear that my attempt was futile. It wasn't much of a secret anyway. "Have you begun making dinner yet?"

"I haven't quite made up my mind, really," I answered.

"Oh, good! Do you remember my old friend, Billy?"

I took a moment to search through my memories. '_Billy… friend… best friend… right'. _"I can't remember much," I admitted.

"Well, Billy and his son will be dropping by soon for dinner and the game. I'll be getting pizza so you don't have to worry about cooking anything."

"Are you sure, Dad?"

"Positive, so I'll be coming home soon. Take care till then, Bells?" I could hear his worry, afraid as if I would do away with myself at any time.

"Of course," I whispered.

We both ended the call in silence. I mechanically guided my body back to the kitchen table where my calculus homework laid.

In the middle of double checking a problem, there was a knock on the door. Knowing that it wasn't Charlie, I quickly went to answer the door so tnot to keep them waiting. I swung the door open with a smile plastered on my face.

"Hel-" I couldn't finish my sentence. Before me, stood a boy with russet-colored skin and long black hair that was tied back. He was about a half-a-foot taller than me, towering over me, as his black eyes seemed to grin back at me. This took me by surprise. I was expecting someone who was older.

"Why, hello Bella!" Another voice called. I turned my head slightly and saw a more familiar man. He had the same russet-colored skin and black eyes as the boy next to him, but was seated in a wheelchair. Oh. The boy next to him was his son I guessed. That made sense.

"Oh, hello. I'm sorry I was taken by surprised," I answer sheepishly blushing softly. Billy wheeled himself around Jacob chuckling silently.

"Yes, my boy, Jacob here has the tendency to have that effect on people," he said as if knowing what was the cause of my surprise.

"Boy?" I asked skeptically looking back at Jacob. "Hardly." This time his mouth was grinning along his eyes becoming a bit smug.

"Don't you remember me, Bella?" Jacob asked. I'm sure the look on my face gave off the answer. He chuckled. "You used to always come up to La Push, but more to spend time with my sisters. Never really worked out," he said amused.

I traced back through my memory. _Right. Rebecca and Rachel._

A cool breeze hit my face reminding me that I wasn't being very hospitable.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I'm being rude. Come on in." I moved aside to allow Jacob and Billy to enter. "Charlie isn't home yet, but you can make yourself at home in the living room." I closed the door behind them.

Charlie came home soon after, which saved me from any more awkward moments, though it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Jacob was easy to get along with. I learned in a short time that he was very talented in mechanics being the one who fixed up my truck and that he's a naturally cheerful person.

I found myself easily laughing with him as if there wasn't a hole in my chest ready to burst open the moment it had the chance.

"So, Jacob, how old are you?" I asked him from across the kitchen table. It was hard to say what his age was seeing that he was pretty tall, but he had a young face.

Jacob was in the process of gobbling down another slice of pizza when he looked at me with a confused look. I laughed at his expression giving him time to find a moment to speak. He took a quick sip of soda before answering. "I just turned sixteen." My eyes widened in surprise.

"Really? I would have thought you were older. My age, at the least."

He grinned. "Nah, I'm just tall… and pretty damn sexy." We both laughed at this.

"You know, modesty is what gets the ladies," I joked.

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?"

"True," I agreed smiling to myself.

A peaceful silence ensued between as we listened as our dads conversed with each other in the other room.

I looked at Jacob again. I truly enjoyed my time with him. He made me laugh. He made me feel happy and in the short time that we officially met. This thought caused me to smile. Jacob noticed.

"What's with the goofy grin?" he asked.

I shook my head. "It's nothing, but would you object to the idea of us hanging out together again?" I didn't want to sound too hopeful, but being around him made me forget, even if for just a moment, that I wasn't as happy as I was at the moment.

His face brightened at the idea. "Of course, Bella. Just call me up anytime."

"Really? Well, I don't know. I heard that it isn't a good idea to call three days following the first date," I joked.

"Babe, you can call me anytime you want," he winked causing me to giggle. He face turned slightly serious. "But seriously, anytime you want, we can hang out. It looks like you need it." He gestured towards me.

I grimaced. I was sure that he noticed the dark circles in my eyes and the paleness of my face. I was ready for the onslaught of questions that I wasn't ready to answer, but Jacob didn't push it which caused me to like him even more.

"Thanks so much Jake," I whispered.

"No prob Bella."

The Blacks didn't stay long after that. After a few exchanges of good bye Charlie walked the two of them outside to their truck while I lingered in the door frame. I watched as Jacob helped his father into the truck and noticed just how strong he was. It was quite… impressive. I blushed. I usually didn't think of anyone like that. I was always too shy to even have mental appreciation for another guy. But it was true. In some twisted way, Jacob was... sort of beautiful. I laughed quietly trying to imagine Jacob's reaction to this revelation. He would love it.

I also took note of just how much Jacob would really have to watch after his dad. It caused me to smile softly to myself.

Jacob was such a good person and I couldn't wait to find time to spend time with him again. Before pulling out of the drive way he gave me another one of his wolfish grins and a small wave. I waved back giving him a smile of my own.

Charlie seemed to notice. He gave us a confused look but I could see a ghost of a smile on his face. I'm sure that he was just giddy with excitement that I was not completely hollow. Then again he wasn't the only one. I recalled Charlie speaking with someone on the phone about me with worry. I'm guessing it was Billy seeing as he gave Charlie a knowing look and gave me an appreciative glance, respectfully, as if seeing a sudden change in me.

I felt it too.

I bid Charlie good night and headed up to my room ready to embrace the pain that would envelop me, but it never came. Jacob's warmth lingered keeping the ice at bay. That was the first time I woke up with a smile on my face since almost forever.

Or it felt like a 'forever' to me.

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**So there you have it. I've been feeling these bottled up emotions wanting to be expressed in some way. This helped :) I'm taking my time getting back into my writing. It'll take awhile. I hope I'm worth the wait.**

**So please review. Tell me if you like or not. **


	5. Chapter 4

**Yeah, yeah I know, haven't updated in awhile, but hey! It's only been a month since last time and not a year! ... or two... oops haha**

**Enjoy!**

_**Disclaimer: DISOWNAGE!**_

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Chapter 4

"Are you serious?" I asked.

"Dead serious."

"I don't know, that doesn't seem likely."

"Bella," Jacob drawled out annoyed.

"What! All I'm saying is that… why in the world would you still have to say "lefty-loosey, righty-tighty" when you work on mechanical mumbo jumbo? It's almost appalling," I said skeptically.

"I'm not quite sure but it sounded like you were insulting me," he poked me.

"Yeah, yeah, don't poke fun at me," I said slapping his hand away. He chuckled before grabbing some kind of tool and returning to his rabbit.

We were both hanging out at his house which afterawhile became a habit. While he would work on his future car, I would sit in the front car seat listening to him as he would hum to himself. Even though I obviously didn't know anything that had to do with mechanics it was perfectly okay with Jacob. He claimed that he always enjoyed my company even when I didn't do much. The feeling was mutual.

It's been about two weeks since I met Jacob and I found that his company was the very thing I needed. Around him I didn't think about the things going on in school or even Edward. I even found it in myself to start talking to Alice again.

_I took a deep breath. Alice walked out of her class and here I was waiting around the corner to talk to her. I felt horrible for avoiding her and after spending time with Jacob (all the while letting him know of my distress) I finally decided to "man" up to my mistake and face it head on._

_Inhale._

_Exhale._

'_Yeah I can't do this.' _

_Glad that I didn't do anything that would make me look like a fool, I turned on my heel and almost started to run in the other direction._

"_Bella?" I stopped in my tracks. Oh gee._

_I almost squeaked like a mouse. Turning around and putting a smile on my face I replied back, "Oh! Hi Alice!" She seemed shocked._

"_W-what…" she seemed at a lost of words._

_I sighed. "I know you may hold some kind of grudge against me for not talking to you for the past few days, and I'm sorry. I just couldn't find it in myself to talk to anyone, and I feel like an awful person for doing this to you because I know how you always like to pick on me and-"_

_Alice busted out in giggles. "Bella, calm down. You look like a deer caught in head lights. Relax," I tried to, "and you shouldn't worry. You know I don't hold grudges."_

_I smiled, my anxieties melting away. The time away from the little pixie made me forget how carefree she was. How could I ignore such an amazing friend?_

"_Though I have to admit that I did miss you and I'm just glad that you're alright," she said carefully. My smile faltered, but only slightly._

_I rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah… I'm okay I guess, or at least I will be, you know," she nodded, "I just need sometime to get back into things. It'll take time."_

_She smiled. "Of course," the all knowing evil glint flashed in her eyes, "speaking of "getting back into things"", I gulped, "with all the drama I almost forgot about the dance coming up!"_

"_Aw crap," I mumbled. She giggled._

"_Don't worry, I'm not going to force you to have a date, but you are going!" I could almost see the gears turning in her head._

_I didn't pay much attention though. Going alone? It was already bad enough that I was a horrible dancer, but to be a horrible dancer standing off to the sides ALONE? "But that's kind of embarrassing," I phrased my thoughts._

_Alice looked confused, "What is?"_

"_Going to a dance without a date," I admitted but ended up blushing. I sounded so petty._

"_I'm sure someone has their eye on you," she said thoughtfully. Who could she possibly be thinking of? I wasn't much eye candy and guys didn't just come popping up to ask me to dates except…_

_I gaped. "Oh my god! Not Mike!"_

_Alice snapped out of her thoughts looking equally mortified, "No! I would never do such a thing to you!"_

_We both let out a sigh of relief. We both knew how Mike was. His infatuation was endearing at first, but after awhile it was just annoying._

_I took a moment to ponder my thoughts. I wonder if Jake would want to go…_

_I hadn't realized I said this out loud. "Who's Jake?" Alice asked._

"_Um… he's a new friend of mine…"_

_She raised an elegant eyebrow, "New friend? Do I know him?" _

"_No, I met him while I was going through my "isolated" period," I said uncomfortably. For a second she seemed hurt. "He's the son of my dad's best friend. I would have met him at some point or another," I tried to compromise._

"_Oh well… then ask if he can come." She didn't give me time to protest before she started a whole new conversation about dresses and makeup for the dance. I groaned._

I felt a "thunk" against my head that brought me back to the present moment. On the ground was a piece of candy, a "Dum-Dum". I blinked and looked at Jacob. "Did you just throw this at me?" He looked strained as if he was holding something in. All I could see was his goofy smile.

"Yeah, I did… because… you're a Dum-Dum!" he cracked up at his joke.

"That was lame," I said but laughed with him.

Jacob wiped a tear from his eye. "Sorry Bells, I know that was stupid, but I always wanted to say that," he chuckled again at the thought, "But you seemed deep in thought. A Dum-Dum for your thoughts?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. He only smiled. I shook my head before finally asking, "Jake, would you object to going to a dance with me?"

He blinked. "A dance? With you?" It almost sounded offensive.

I gaped. "I'm not that horrible!"

Jacob laughed before continuing, "I didn't mean it like that. You always tell me how horribly you are with equilibrium and that you're not one for "social gatherings". So what brought this up?"

His explanation made me feel a little better. I placed chin in my hands before answering, "My friend back in Forks really wants me to go and I would feel weird if I didn't go with a date and I thought of you."

He stared at me. "But a dance? Do I have to wear… you know… a suit?" I laughed.

"Maybe jeans that weren't ripped up," I suggested jokingly.

"Haha funny, but really."

"Just something nice," I smiled.

Jacob smiled back, "For you, I'm always nice."

XxXx

"Remember that before you drink out of the fruit bowl you smell it and if there is even the slight tinge of alcohol you inform an adult, preferable a teacher. And if you're really thirsty let Jake try it first," Charlie said through the bathroom door.

I smiled before opening the door, "Don't worry Dad. Jake isn't going to let anything bad happened to me and this is just a fall dance, not prom."

Charlie was unfazed, "The warnings still apply."

"Okay," I took one more glance at my reflection in the mirror. I didn't want to get too crazy with the occasion (much to Alice's distress) and stuck to a simple royal blue dress that reached just below my knees. I decided that my hair seemed perfectly fine let down and slightly wavy. I gave myself an encouraging smile before turning to Charlie again.

He gave me a once over (I'm sure checking for anything vulgar in my appearance) and with a nod of his head he smiled. "You look nice, Bells."

My cheeks flamed. "Thanks, Dad."

He laughed at my reaction. "Now go down there and break that kid's heart," he said while nudging towards the stairs.

"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled rolling my eyes.

Upon reaching the bottom stair I was caught by an amazing sight. "Wow, Jake! You clean up well!" He looked at me and grinned.

"I know, right!" Jacob's hair was pulled back into a low pony tail and he wore a white dress shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, with black slacks and he even had the decency to wear a black tie.

I walked up to him still surprised by his appearance. I wonder…

I pulled at his tie and gasped. "What? Not a clip-on tie?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, took me forever to figure it out," he took a chance to look at my appearance, "but I think it was worth it. You look really pretty." I blushed. His black eyes stared me down, staring right into my eyes as he complimented me.

"Thanks…" An awkward silence followed soon after.

"Aw geez," Jacob said while scratching the back of his head, "That was baaad."

"What?" I asked confused.

"That silence! I wonder…" he looked thoughtful for a minute, "I wonder if you could hear cockroaches in that silence."

"Ew Jake! You know I hate roaches."

He grinned, "I know, which is why I said that."

I punched him lightly on the shoulder before saying, "okay enough of your crap let's go." I turned on my heel and walked towards the door. Not hearing his footsteps follow, I turned around, "Come on Jake, before I have to beat you to get you over here."

His light mood was unfazed but he came to the door anyway. "Ladies first," he stood aside to let me through.

I could only smile.

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I **promise** that this is a Edward/Bella fanfic... I just have to get there first haha. I'm trying not to make the chapters lengthy because we all know just how bored you can get after awhile.

So please review, it encourages me! Peace!


	6. Chapter 5

**Standard Disclaimer**

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Chapter 5

"I just don't understand."

Jacob looked down at me as he heard my statement. "Is something bothering you?" he asked. For the hundredth time this night I was struck by how handsome he seemed to look, not that I would ever admit it out loud.

I sighed before answering. "Why do people find it suitable to just stare at us?" This caused Jacob's eyebrow to elevate. "What? Don't tell me you didn't notice." I was being completely serious. From the moment Jacob and I walked into the now decorated gym, peoples' constant gaze always drifted towards us.

"They stare because we look damn good." He placed his arm around my shoulders as if to prove his point. I rolled my eyes before affectively punching him lightly on the arm. "Ow," he mocked "Don't hurt the guns."

"Stop being such a push-over," I growled.

"Oooh, feisty."

I blushed furiously. "Jake!" He only laughed. He obviously had a fetish with making me blush, though some of his comments were a bit extreme they always made me smile, just as I was doing at this moment.

"Bella!" a familiar voice called.

My eyes widened in despair. _'Oh no…'_

Jacob seemed to notice for he took his arm from my shoulders and stepped back as I was hit by a fierce hug from Alice. She spoke animatedly about how the gym was surprisingly well decorated, but her words were lost to me as her embrace cut the circulation to my arms. Somewhere between her comments of inappropriate dressing of others and my incessant begging to be released, she heard my pleas. She took a step back with a sheepish grin before her eyes brightened in revelation. "I'm quite surprised!" She chirped before I could give her a proper greeting, "You actually look somewhat decent!"

A growl almost came out of my mouth.

"Watch yourself. I think Bella, here, is the type to bite," Jacob implied. Alice turned her eyes toward the taller boy.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I'm being rude, though I completely agree with you." She gave him a smile before giving him a hug. "I'm Bella's amazingly great friend, Alice!"

Jacob was surprised for a moment before returning the gesture and I couldn't help but notice how he seemed to engulf her small form. "Nice to meet you," his formal tone seemed out of place compared to his naturally goofiness, "I'm her amazingly hot friend and date, Jacob."

'_I spoke to soon,' _I thought to myself all the while rolling my eyes.

Alice laughed before setting a small pout on her lips, "I'm glad to finally meet you, though I was disappointed that Bella has neglected to tell me that she met a new friend." She sent a small glare at me.

"Bite me," I joked before sticking my tongue out.

"I just might," she replied with a smirk.

Jacob mocked a hurt expression. "Bella? How could you not have spoken about me?" He turned towards Alice, "please forgive Bella because I'm so sure that I'm all she ever thinks about." He gave me a small wink as Alice laughed in delight only to stop as Jasper appeared beside her.

"Hello, Bella. Is my dear Alice pestering you again?"

I gave him a look. "Do you really have to ask?" He only chuckled before noticing the person beside me.

He gave him a once over taking in his appearance. "I assume that this is the Jacob Black?" My eyebrow rose as, I'm sure, Jacob's did as well at his implication. Jasper noticed immediately "Alice," was his only explanation.

"I didn't know I was famous already," Jacob chuckled, "I mean really? The Jacob Black. I'm almost forced to admit that I'm flattered."

Jasper silently agreed before sliding his arm around Alice's shoulder. I assumed the gesture was to keep her from bouncing off again. My thoughts were confirmed when Alice pouted slightly as Jasper gently squeezed her shoulder. He smiled only slightly that I almost missed it. "I apologize on behalf of my date," Alice burst into giggles at her title, "She's a little…" he shrugged his shoulders at a loss of words.

It was true. There were no words to describe the small girl.

"If you haven't figured it out already, I'm Jasper Hale," he spoke before extending his hand to Jacob.

Jacob grinned while he returned the gesture. "If you haven't already been bugged out of your mind by little Alice, I'm Jacob Black." Jasper nodded his head agreeing with his implications.

"I'm sorry for the sudden intrusion," he joked as he glanced at the pixie.

I rolled my eyes. "No need to be so formal, Jasper and It's fine, though my arms are still tingling with the lack of blood circulating them from her disastrous hug."

He smirked in return. "Jasper," Alice whined, trying to tug herself away from his embrace.

Said boy chuckled before being dragged off by the little girl, but not before turning his head towards me. "Oh and by the way…" My ears perked to hear him through the pounding music, "You look rather nice."

I blushed furiously. His eyes lit up for a moment. "Isabella Swan," he took my small hands into his, "will you be so kind as to let me have this dance with you?"

I would have slapped him on the side of his head if it wasn't for my timid state.

Before I could give him a reply he was already dragging me off to the source of dancing, though I gave him brownie points for pulling us towards a somewhat secluded area.

Jacob modestly wrapped his arms around my waist while I, in the mist of my lack of knowledge, simply placed my hands on his chest. I could feel his heart beating under my palm and for a moment it drowned out all other sounds.

It felt deep and meaningful. I looked up at his face only to see that his eyes were closed with a small smile tugging at his lips. I smiled with him. It took me a moment to realize that we weren't swaying to the song, but to the song his heart was playing. I took a small intake of air. This moment was so meaningful that I felt like I could cry.

And not only because of this cliché of romance, but that at this moment I realized that Jacob did have a purpose in my life and I just discovered what it was. He was here to help me forget and to re-teach me things that I thought I had long ago forgotten.

Like I said cliché.

"Jake?"

He didn't open his eyes. "Hm?"

"Thanks."

"For exactly what this time?" I could almost feel his grin, but I grinned as well despite myself.

"For not wearing jeans with holes and appearing decent."

Our sad attempts at dancing halted for a moment, and I then realized that Jacob understood my gratitude. He understood that I was thanking him for more than what was spoken.

I could almost feel a resolution settling itself in the pit of my stomach until I heard a rather squeaky outburst, "Oh, Edward, you are such a good dancer!"

My body stiffened and Jacob looked at me in confusion.

One step forward and two steps back. "Bella?" Jacob whispered in my ear, "You okay?"

I contemplated answering him as I always do, but for some reason I couldn't find it in myself to lie "I don't think I'll be okay for the next few moments," I admitted. His arms tightened around me in response.

"Well, look at that! Is that Bella? In a dress, no less!" I mentally groaned and braced myself for impact.

And despite my better judgment, I stepped away from Jacob enough to face the person who was speaking to me. "Hello, Jessica and," I only took a second to glance at her date, "Edward."

In that one second, I took his whole image in. He was, as always, painfully beautiful. It almost gave me the urge to cry… or punch someone in the face, which is very odd. I'm not usually violent.

Edward wore black slacks and a navy blue dress up shirt with his shoes shined so nicely that I could almost see my reflection…

And then there was Jessica.

She seemed pretty comfortable snuggled next to Edward with his arm around her shoulder. If I wasn't so upset by this image I'd be glaring. She, herself, looked stunning in her dress. I always knew she had a rather nice form (nothing compared to Rosalie, hands down) but even though her dress was a bit too revealing than I would be comfortable with she, as I had pointed before, was stunning. Her red dress seemed to clash with her blue eyes, but was balanced with her brown hair.

I mentally sighed. I beat myself up too much.

Edward seemed perfectly comfortable with Jessica glued on him in such a way. My eyes met his emerald ones and I quickly looked away. I felt like I was just caught stealing cookies, in a not so comical way. But when he greeted us I knew it would be a bit too much I didn't at least attempt eye contact. "Good evening, Bella and…" He took a moment to take in Jacob's form, as all others seemed to do tonight, "your date?" For a moment he sounded unsure of himself.

"Who _is _this handsome man? He couldn't possibly be your date!" Jessica drawled out. If I wasn't already repressing enough feelings I would have been offended.

Jacob squeezed my shoulder reassuringly before speaking, "I'm Jacob Black, and yes, I am Bella's date."

Jessica looked Jacob over and a smile tugged on her lips. "I see. Where do you go to school?"

For a moment he didn't seem like he wanted to reply. "On the reservation."

"How do you know Bella?"

"Childhood friend." At this point I knew Jacob was trying to be polite. And for a moment, Edward's eyes narrowed, but I couldn't be sure. It was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

"Ah, yes, I see. Well, my name is Jessica Stanley and this is my date Edward Cullen. Isn't he a looker?" she began to gush with absolute delight.

Edward's eyebrow rose while Jacob chuckled. "Yeah an absolute "looker"."

"Oh! Lauren's over there! And her dress! Edward, you won't mind if I leave you for a sec, would you?" she didn't even bother to wait for an answer before heading off to said girl.

Which only left the three of us.

Awkward.

"Bella," his velvety voice made me want to run away, "how are you?"

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear before look up at him with a small smile. "Well, I haven't trampled anyone with my dancing skills yet."

He looked amused. "Right."

"Um… so how have you been?" I asked, almost desperate to end the awkwardness.

"I've been…" he took a glance at Jacob, "better."

I tilted my head slightly. "I'm sorry to hear that."

For a moment the both of us just stared in the other's eyes.

But it only took another moment for me to realize that I was neglecting the boy beside me.

I turned towards him with an apologetic smile, but it wavered a bit when I noticed Jacob's hostility towards Edward. "Oh, Jake… um I don't really feel like dancing anymore. Do you mind if we just sit down right now?"

"Not a problem."

His tone confused me.

'_Why does he sound so cold? This is so unlike him.'_

His larger hand took mine and began to lead me away from Edward when I heard my name being called out.

"Bella," I turned my head over my shoulder and was met with emerald, "you look… beautiful." His words struck a chord in me.

I felt like I was going to collapse. _'He thinks I'm beautiful…'_

Jacob's tugging soon brought me back to the present. "Jake, are you okay?"

He didn't answer until we found an open table for us to sit at. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, but didn't let go of my hand. "I'm fine, just a little… I don't know. I'm sorry for that."

With both my hands I held his between them. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I don't know…" It didn't look like I was going to get much out of him, "Bella, is he the one who hurt you?"

I did a double take and only blinked at him. Once. Twice. I couldn't comprehend his question.

'_But no, he didn't hurt me. He would never hurt me…'_

"Wha…?" Though I only spoke in a whisper he heard me as his dark eyes looked up to meet mine.

He cringed slightly before patting the top of my head. "Never mind," and his grin returned, "I think we've accomplished much today seeing as there are not casualties."

I smacked his arm. "Be quiet."

He laughed. "As I was saying, I don't think we should press your luck and dance at all for the rest of the night," he took a quick glance around, "In truth, I think we've completed our goal for tonight. Let's go home!"

I giggled. "I don't mind."

As Jacob and I weaved our way out of the building, I couldn't help but wonder why there was such a negative feeling between Jacob and Edward.

I glanced at Jacob as we walked side by side. And how much did Jacob really see? How much did he really notice in the many times I've spent with him to try and forget something that I had not control over?

* * *

**So here it is. I had most of it typed out for awhile, I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to continue it. And don't worry, it should get interesting soon, my masterpiece shall commence soon!**

**Review please.**


	7. Chapter 6

I don't know if it's the Christmas spirit, but I was inspired to update another chapter! It's late... yay... I'm tired... yay!

Enjoy!

* * *

Days pass.

Weeks pass.

They say time heals all wounds, but what if you're not hurt? What if you're broken? Can you fix something that is broken? Maybe you can't fix it at all. Maybe you can just tape it and hope that it'll stay together. But the thing is, no matter how well something is repaired, it will never be the same.

That's how I felt.

Jacob kept me together and though I felt carefree with him, I could never get rid of the nagging feeling of being unwanted. My memories of …Edward always lingered like a song you can't get out of your head and just like in that situation, it can get annoying, painfully annoying. It felt as if you were creating a composition, changing the melody and rhythm so many different ways hoping that one might sound just right, but it never does.

I know there are plenty of times when I'm highly irritable when with Jacob, but I always try to assure him that he's not the source of my discomfort. He always gives me a look of understanding, but sometimes it's as if he understands more than he lets on.

Jacob was not only a good mechanic, but a very good distraction. Maybe it was the way he held my hand while I helped him with his Shakespeare or the way he played with my hair when pondering the missing parts of his Rabbit, but somehow as the days passed these gestures began to dull out the pain. The pain had become a mere whisper, a reminder of my foolishness.

But my pain was not the only reminder. My encounters with Edward had become close to nonexistent except for the times I would see him in school. I sought him out to observe, never to confront or speak to. And from my observations I have concluded a hypothesis: Edward had lost all previous respect and manner to women, and he was currently expanding his experiences with girls.

In other words, Edward Cullen had become a mother's dreadful nightmare, a player.

When Edward had first landed a new girlfriend, I was horrified beyond my wildest imagination. Seeing beyond the typical fear of seeing him with another person, my anxiety was bigger than that. Seeing this new girl would allow me to see what I physically and personally lacked. Her presence basically spelled out, "This is what Edward Cullen wants. This is what Isabella Swan is not. This is why he left." And it was frighteningly painful.

And then Jacob would take my hand in his and I would smile while he made one of his cheesy comments. My personal favorite: If this is how you react to me then I should grab for you more often.

Insert cheesy grin.

Slap on the arm.

Pout. "Bella, you're such a kill joy".

And for a moment I forget what I was hurting over. Only for a moment.

Of course, being that Jacob goes to school on the reservation, school was the only time where I couldn't just randomly grab for his warm hand or swish my hair in his face like dangling bait (figuratively speaking).

So the times where I find myself staring at Edward and his new companion of the week, I wouldn't be surprised to find myself clutching at my rapidly beating heart, or biting on my lower lip.

Sometimes I missed a certain warm hand engulfing mine.

XxXxX

"Oh, Bella, I wish you would go shopping with me sometimes," Alice drawled out in mock-longing.

I paused grabbing for my Calculus book from my locker to give her a look. "I do go shopping with you."

She sighed and rephrased, "Go shopping with me and actually _liking _it."

"That'll be the day," I laughed shoving the book into my backpack.

"And that day will soon come," she sang before skipping off to God knows where.

_Right. _I stared after her for a moment before closing my locker and heading towards the cafeteria. I barely had a sufficient amount of food for breakfast and I was completely eager to bear the cafeteria food.

Softly humming to myself, I crossed the courtyard when something caught my eye. I froze in step as I came across a sight that made my breath catch in my throat.

Edward was standing, his back against the walls of one of the more secluded areas of the school and he wasn't alone. Currently embraced in his arms was his current catch of the week. All I could see was blonde hair and the head that the hair was attached to was buried in his neck.

My breath hitched and suddenly I couldn't breathe at all. "Edward…" I whispered.

As if he could hear me, his emerald eyes looked up to meet my own. For a split second, I had the intentions of high tailing out of a fifty meter radius of him, but his gaze held me in place. It always did.

Maybe it would hurt more if he saw right through me, but that thought had passed the moment it came when the acknowledgment of my presence gleamed in his eyes as he returned to the task at hand. It seemed that it didn't matter that I just witness what I had.

The breath I was holding in came out shaky, unsteady. I shut my eyes to erase the images that were now planting themselves in the crevices of my brain. I could almost recall it in great detail.

Her small well manicured hands were positioned in his bronze already messy hair and upon his shoulder. Her lips were against his neck, lacking the lip gloss that was surely rubbed off moments ago. His arms around her waist pulling her close, _closer still. _

All of a sudden I missed Jacob. I never wanted him with me more than I did at this very moment. From the past couple of weeks, I've learned that only Jacob could distract me, but now I don't know if he could even stop this kind of hurt.

I didn't feel so hungry anymore.

XxXxX

Jacob once took me to a place on one of the many cliffs (but not the highest) at La Push in which I was met with a strange scene.

"OH MY GOD! JACOB! THEY'RE JUMPING!" I screamed frantically. There were a few guys who seemed to be about Jacob's age that, out of the blue, jumped off the cliff and into the sea. '_Are they suicidal?_' I thought. And somehow through my panicked thoughts, I heard laughter. Was I going insane as well?

I spun around reaching for Jacob. "You have to-," my words died on my lips when I saw that I was not insane, but that Jacob was really laughing. Laughing! He was amused while I was on the verge of losing my mind. "How can you laugh when people are committing suicide?"

He doubled over laughing, if possible, harder. All the while, I could only stare at him feeling tears begin to sting my eyes.

When Jacob finally got a good look at me, his laughter abruptly stopped. He grabbed my arms pulling me towards him. "Bella," he said softly, "they're not emotional suicidal teenagers."

"What?" Was he serious? Did he not just see what I saw? Was he blind?

"No, they're just cliff diving." My confusion left me speechless. "They get bored. It's just for recreation. We don't even have a mall."

"Oh…" I turned back towards the cliff where the last few guys were beginning to take their leap. Upon careful observation, I could now see that the ones that had already jumped were currently in the water beckoning the others to come down. I could already imagine what they were saying, _"Come on!" _

I wonder how it felt to not feel the ground below your feet. How would it feel to be in free fall? How would it feel to thrust yourself into the nothingness of the air, into a space where nothing can reach you only to know that somehow you'll end up back where you started when you hit the water?

I turned my attention back to Jacob whom I found was staring at me while he left me to gather my bearings, which I was grateful for.

And gather my bearings I did.

I stepped up to him and placed both my palms on his chest. With all the strength I could muster I pushed him as hard as I could. "Jacob Black!" Shove. "How dare you! You insensitive jerk!" A look of unadulterated confusion adorned his face and in another situation would have been comical, but in this case, I was beyond furious. "You knew that I was out of my mind with worry, and you dared to laugh at me! You could have spared me the trouble!"

He was silent as he grabbed for both my wrists. He pulled me closer to him to where our noses were almost touching. I looked him straight in the eye, unable to do anything else out of shock for his sudden contact. His dark eyes held something that I couldn't quite place. We just stared at each other. "You know," he finally spoke, "For a moment… I thought you were gonna say you hated me or something."

I glared pulling back from our close proximity. "I do hate you!"

His eyebrow rose. "Really."

I huffed. "Right now I do."

"…Really."

"Stop that! I'm trying to be mad at you!" I complained while trying to pull away from him.

Jacob only laughed as he released my wrists only to grab for my hand. "You're completely harmless," he laughed, "Let's get back to the garage. Your hair helps me think when I'm working."

A blush crept onto my cheeks and I smiled despite myself.

XxXxX

It was a Saturday morning when I got a surprise visit.

I was just cleaning up after my breakfast when there was knocking at the door. Could that be Jacob? I glanced at the clock displayed on the microwave. _9:00 A.M. _it flashed. No, it couldn't be Jacob because at this time of morning he would still be sprawled upon his bed snoring so loudly he could probably wake himself up.

Could it be Charlie? Maybe he forgot something.

The knocking continued. I opened the door not expecting to see Esme Cullen, Edward's mother. I'm sure I had a look of surprise on my face at her appearance because she started to laugh softly.

"Good morning, Bella," she greeted. It's been such a long time since I last saw her. Her caramel hair was styled slightly differently that she had it months ago, but there was no other change in her.

"Good morning, Esme," I answered sheepishly, "Come on in." I gestured for her to step inside and was suddenly glad that I was somewhat presentable, although still in my sleeping clothes.

She gave me a motherly smile while making her way towards the living room. She took a position in front of the couch but made no move to sit down quite yet. I knew Esme to be well mannered and was sure that she was waiting for me to sit before she sat herself. I placed myself in Charlie's arm chair and she followed suit.

"I'm sorry to disturb you on this lovely morning," she began, but we both looked out the window to see the pouring rain. We laughed lightly. A person can always count on rain or snow in Forks. "Well, anyway, I came to talk about a rather," she hesitated for a moment, "tender subject."

I sat up straighter giving her my full attention.

"It's about Edward."

Oh. I slackened a bit.

I coughed clearing my throat feeling very uncomfortable now. "And what would that be?"

She pursued her lips contemplating her next words before continuing. "Seeing that word travels quickly around here, I'm assuming you know of Edward's current… relationship status."

I swallowed. "You mean relationships." Plural.

She sighed before wringing her fingers together. "Yes."

Esme had always been sweet to me acting as a mother of my own as I grew up with Edward. While my own spirited mother was away, I would usually seek advice as a daughter to a mother from Esme. So this very moment I felt that I could open up to her, but only so much.

"I try not to notice," I replied truthfully.

"I know your hurting, Bella," she said softly. She patted the seat cushion next to her a silent invitation for me to come closer. I obeyed. The moment I was in arms reach she gently covered my hands with her own. "I'm sorry that my son has given up something special, but," her lower lip shook for a moment. "As a mother, I'm hurting, too."

"Esme…" I didn't know what to say.

"Bella, I don't know what to do anymore. He's not the same. Edward is always with someone new, and I always try to warm up to each new girl, but," she took a deep breath, "they keep changing. I try to not show that I'm worried, but, God, I am!"

"Have you tried talking to him?" I wasn't quite sure how to handle a distraught mother, especially the mother of my ex-boyfriend/best friend. I have never seen Esme speak in such a rushed frantic voice. She was always calm, collected, and soft. All I could do at this moment was to take my hands out of hers and take them into mine.

"Yes, but," she took a moment to breathe to keep from crying, I was assuming, "he's not the same anymore. He has such a temper now and is always irritable with, it seems, everyone who used to matter to him. He's changing."

Believe me, I know.

"Maybe it's just a phase," I didn't even sound so certain myself.

"A mother can only dream," she whispered.

"Esme," I was trekking in dangerous territory, but it was necessary, "why are you telling me this? Besides that fact that we used to be best friends, why tell me?"

Her usual soft eyes were dulled with despair as she looked at me. "Bella, I know that deep down he cares for you more than he lets on. I'm not quite sure why he let you go or why he even refuses to speak of you, but believe me he cares about you so much. And I know that you may be the only one who can talk some sense into him. Carlisle's words can't even get through to him. Edward is a complete different person now and I'm not quite sure why. I don't even know if he knows why."

She pulled her hands from mine to pull me into a hug as she continued, "Bella, I'm begging you, please talk to him. Bring my Edward back to me."

I wrapped my arms around her and returned her hug even though her request was tormenting my emotions. I tightly shut my eyes holding onto to the woman beside me even tighter. My body spoke for me. _For you I will. _

She stroked my hair like Renee used to do and I sighed. _'Thank you,' _she was trying to say.

And the days pass…

And the weeks pass…

And time has yet to heal squat.

* * *

It's not very well proofread.

I am now on the way to unveiling my mastermind plot! It has yet to come!

Review please!


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

She guilt-tripped me. I just know it.

Esme knew I would succumb to her will, especially when she pulled the emotional card on me. "_Bella, you're the only one he every listens to. I want my son back, please…"_

Hook. Line. And sinker. I didn't stand a chance, or maybe I'm just paranoid.

A mental list of all the reason why I could have said "no" ran through my mind. I shouldn't have to talk to Edward if I didn't want to! He was being a snob and I shouldn't have to deal with his problems!

Sigh. Who am I kidding? Let's face it. I would have said "yes" to whatever Esme asked of me.

'_You're just being petty, Bella. Pull yourself together!'_

I suppose the upside to the new turn of events is that I finally had a legitimate reason to speak to him.

In truth, despite the hurt I felt towards him, I missed him terribly. He was my best friend first before he became anything else. Even if my love for him was generic (which I'm trying to convince myself that it is, seeing that I would be foolish to actually be in love with him), my feelings of care and concern still ran deep.

Swallowing down the last bit of my sanity, I pulled out of my driveway heading toward the one place he would always go to. _That is, if he still goes there._

What if he wasn't there? I bit my lip. What if my words don't get through to him only to reach deaf ears?

Why did I ever say "yes" to Esme?

Right. Guilt- tripper.

Sigh. _Petty thoughts, come on, Bella, you're better than that._

My destination was the hidden, almost mystical, meadow that Edward would always go to when he was having a difficult time. He had told me it was his only sanctum aside of his piano.

The meadow wasn't very far away, but a person would need to hike off the trail to find it. Edward had taken me to this place several times, enough to where I could find it myself. This part of my adventure was another part of my worry. It was not secret that I couldn't walk straight let alone _hike._

I cut the engine off and stared at the path that lay before me. Taking a deep breath, I stepped out of my truck and into the cool chill of nature. It wasn't raining, but there was a soft drizzle so light it barely touched my skin.

Different scenarios started to play through my mind. Would he be hospitable or would he turn me away? Refuse to listen to me?

Through the cloud of my thoughts I hadn't realized that I stumbled to the ground, tripping on God knows what. Taking in my surroundings, I realized that this wasn't the first time I almost crippled myself in this particular area.

XxXxX

"Bella? Where did you go?" Edward's voice called out.

"Here."

"I don't see you."

I sighed before replying in embarrassment, "On the ground. I fell." My body was sprawled upon the floor and I had given up on trying to hike through the various obstacles the forest supplied. Why should I? I'd just fall again. All I could currently see was the tree tops and the gray clouds that floated above.

The sound of his laughter echoed throughout the trees. "Due to your coordination, or lack there of, and your ability to basically seek out objects that could cause potential harm, I conclude that you succumb to gravity… here!"

Edward's bronze hair suddenly appeared in my sight, his eyes clouded in suppressed amusement.

"You have great deductive reasoning skills, Sherlock," I spat sarcastically.

"Oh my dear sweet Bella, you don't have to be so bitter, your knight in shining armor is here to save you!"

I tried to ignore his endearment to my name, but couldn't keep my heart from skipping a beat. "Actually, it's quite comfortable here. Maybe you should go tell Charlie I'm never coming back."

Edward raised an eyebrow. "Now, I don't think he would appreciate that. Here, let me help you." He extended his arm in front of me and I just stared at it feeling quite stubborn at the moment. "Come on, I'll help you the rest of the way." He wiggled his fingers beckoning me.

Sighing in defeat, my hand reached for his and he gingerly pulled me up, but didn't let go of my hand. My face flushed and I started wondering if Edward could hear the pounding of my heart. But all too soon he released my hand and I let it fall beside me suddenly missing his warmth. He turned and must have seen something on my face for he broke out in his half-smile. "You're going to be alright."

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. "Yeah, you're right," I whispered. Edward would never know the feelings he could stir in me and the feelings he could take away. He turned his back on me and for a moment I thought he was going to leave me to fend for myself. He peered over his shoulder with his signature smile still on his face. He crouched lower than myself and gestured for me to jump on his back.

I took a step back in surprise. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Not at all. We'll never reach our destination at this speed, and I really don't think your father would appreciate all the injuries you're sure to gain by the end of this trip."

"Are you sure?" I was already enough of a burden as it was and I didn't want to physically hold him down.

"Come on." He held his hand out once again.

"I don't know…"

"Trust me, Bella, if you fall, I'll catch you. I promise."

And I did trust him, with all my heart. So with all doubts forgotten I took his hand as he pulled me towards him.

XxXxX

'_He broke that promise.'_ Even though he wasn't aware of this, I did fall. I fell for him and he wasn't there to catch me.

Before I knew it I had arrived at my destination. I could see the flowers of the clearing peering through the trees. I paused in my step. Now or never. Pushing all fears away like I always did with Edward, I pressed on. And just as I predicted, he was here in all his glory. Positioned against a log, he sat up with one knee and an arm draped over it. He looked thoughtful his eyes closed. Maybe he was creating a new composition.

For a moment, disturbing him seemed to be a sin. It has been so long since I last saw him with a calm and peaceful expression. So long since I last bothered to look him in the face.

"Edward."

At the sound of my voice he languidly opened his eyes, directing them towards me.

"Bella," he greeted. He pushed himself up to stand. "What are you doing here?"

I didn't answer choosing to approach him. Upon closer inspection, I saw that he still looked the same. Not that he would change over the past weeks, but it felt like years since I got a good look at him this close. His bronze hair was still disarrayed in a fashion that was endearing, his face held the expression of patience and slight surprise at my appearance, and his eyes stared through me. I was afraid he would begin to see what I had left unspoken.

I missed him so much. My fingers ached to touch him.

But there was one thing out of place, or in other words, in place, on his neck. Its appearance crept out of the coverage of his sweater.

A hickey. My breath hitched and suddenly it hurt to breath at all.

This was the reminder I needed to help pull me back to the task at hand.

"I'm here to talk to you."

"About?"

"I'm… concerned." He said nothing, a silent request for me to continue. "I'm concerned about your recent behavior with girls."

He blinked. "I see. Are you here to tell me to stop or to convince me that I am the worst scum on this earth?"

I was taken back. "N-no." An eyebrow rose. "I mean… no, not really. I'm not here to persuade you to do anything really."

"Then why are you here?"

"I want to know why you're doing it."

His emerald eyes looked off into the distance in thought. "That's none of your concern."

I clenched my fist. "I am your friend. It is my job to be concerned."

"Then where have you been the past few weeks? From what I can tell you seemed to be having quite the extended vacation from your _job_. Care to explain that?"

The nerve of him!

"Where have I been? No! Where have _you _been? You were the one that stopped talking to me!"

"It's called growing up, Bella. Look at us. I know we were so close to each other as children, but we're not kids anymore. You can't really expect us to remain the same."

"But what if I did?" I asked softly.

"Then I'm sorry to disappoint you."

I bit my lip, hard, trying to clear my mind from all the hurt that I was feeling. "Answer my question."

"I can't answer it."

"Why not?"

He took a deep breath shutting his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose. This was his habit of keep his emotions and sometimes temper in check.

Was I frustrating him this much? Did he not want to talk to me this badly?

"Bella, I'm not going to lie to you, but I can't handle being around you anymore."

"You can't?" My voice cracked. I finally understood everything now even if I didn't like it.

"No," his face grew soft and unreadable gleam passing through his eyes. His hand rose to touch my face, but I flinched back. He noticed my retreating posture and dropped his hand.

I looked at the ground, my arms hanging at my sides. "Your parents," I began quietly, "They're worried about you. And even though you don't want me around anymore, just do me one favor." I peered at him through my eyelashes. I couldn't look at his face at this very moment so I settled my sight on his chest. I watched as it rose with the breath he took. "Try not to be… so fickle. I'm not telling you to stop, although if you can, please, but all I'm asking is that you try not to hurt your family anymore."

He said nothing, and I finally looked up at his face to see his response. Edward just continued to stare at me, but after a moment he nodded once.

"I'm sorry that this had to happen," I said quietly before turning, "Good bye, Edward." I took a step before he called out to me.

"Wait! Bella…" For a moment I thought about ignoring him and continuing on my way, but how could I possibly do that? I turned around and looked at him expectantly. His arm was raised towards me, a gesture as he called out to me. He seemed to stumble with his thoughts but he put his arm back down. "Never mind."

And with that I left without looking back.

When I knew I was far enough away I let my tears fall. I found more answers, answers that I wished I didn't know anymore. Edward didn't want me around. He didn't want me at all. Not even as a friend.

I soon found myself parked in front of the Black's house. I hadn't even pulled my keys from the ignition when the door of my truck was yanked opened and I was pulled into a familiar warm tight hug.

"Bells!" A deep voice said in joy. I said nothing as I held on to him, still shaking from my pain. "Bella?" He gently pushed me away to look at my face. "You're crying." He observed, anger and concern flashing through his eyes. "Who did this?"

Maybe it was a mistake to come here. I didn't want Jacob to go off in an angry rampage. All I wanted right was his comfort. I needed him to help me cope with the pain that was tearing through me. "I'm sorry," I choked, "I didn't mean to upset you. I just… I didn't know where else to go."

His dark face softened. "Come here." He pulled me against him once again while stroking my hair.

At some point he had carried me towards the garage and sat me down in my usual spot. Kneeling down in front of my and taking my hands in his, he looked me in the eyes. "What's wrong?"

It wasn't until this moment, with his question hanging in the air, did I realize how I distinguished my relationship with Jacob in La Push from my own daily life in Forks. I never really talked about Jacob much with Alice or anyone else. It seemed that Jacob was just the person with open arms that would make me forget about my life in Forks for just a moment. He was like a daydream. A place I could go to be free only to return to Forks and my problems. It was always homework and Jacob, work and Jacob, and now, Edward and Jacob.

He was always my other option. Jacob against my world.

I never talked to Jacob about my problems because it seemed as if it would taint my idea of him and all the freedom of emotions that emerged when I was around him.

So as my tears continued to fall, as Jacob continued to pull me closer, as the rain outside finally began to fall, I left his question unanswered.

And maybe he knew this. Maybe he knew that whatever it was that was bothering me would never be said.

I'm not quite sure how much time had passed before he ended up announcing that he wanted to take me somewhere.

"Where?" I had asked wiping away my last tears.

"Just a place I like to go to when I'm feeling down."

At this point I would have done anything with Jacob. He pulled me up by my hand and without releasing it began walking out of the garage. The distance we traveled was lost to me. I didn't care to notice, but throughout the whole time Jacob did not let go of my hand. He guided me as we continued through some unseen path that boy beside me seemed to recognize. He would tug me towards him and give one of his famous grins every time it seemed that I was unwilling to follow.

"We're here," he said in his usual cheerful voice.

I found myself staring at the branch in front of me. "Where exactly is "here"? I don't see anything that's-"

Mid-sentence he pulled the branch aside to reveal a spectacular scenery.

My eyes widened. A worn down wooden bridge connected two sides that were separated by a stream of raging water. The sound of the water contrasted with its appearance. It would be potentially harmful if someone were to get caught in that furious current.

"Jake, I didn't even know this was here."

He nodded. "Yeah I didn't either, which is why this is special to me. I looked on the maps to see if it was on it, but nope," he popped the "p", "it's like it doesn't exist. It's just like a fantasy world… or something like that." I knew all about fantasy worlds. "I come here often to think." He pursed his lips. "I mean, it's not like this place is really much hidden. It's surprisingly easy to find," I gave him a look and he laughed, "except for you. But other people tend to walk through here as well. No one ever bothers me so it's okay.

"And that's all that really matters," I said while staring and listening to the water. My mood had lightened drastically.

"Exactly," he said from behind. It startled me for a moment. I didn't even realize how close he was to me being that I was too entranced by my surrounding. He took my hand in his. I closed my eyes to enjoy the sense of peace that ran through me, both of us deep in our thoughts.

The silence was broken when a new voice spoke out.

"Bella?" I twirled around in surprise at the voice, my heart jumping.

"Edward?" What was he doing here? I felt Jacob's hand tighten in mine his body tense. I glanced at his face to see that his face was emotionless and stoic. I cringed slightly looking away. I hated seeing this side of him. Jacob was made to be happy.

Searching for anything else to look at, my attention returned to Edward. He stepped out, but he wasn't alone. Behind him, holding his hand, trailed a girl. It was just another unknown girl.

My heart sank. Of course, there was always another girl.

"What are you doing here?" These same words were spoken to me not hours ago.

I closed my eyes stalling for time and an answer.

"That's none of your business," Jacob abruptly said from beside me, pulling me closer to him by my waist.

Edward directed his gaze towards the tall boy, his eyes holding a hostile gleam. "I didn't ask you, Black," he said coolly.

"You didn't have to, Cullen."

I grabbed for his hand again to pull him away. "Jake," he didn't let me continue as stood his ground.

Edward's eyes were drawn sharply to our hands. "So, Bella," he gazed in my eyes, "you seem to be enjoying yourself."

"Actually, I am," I answered.

"Edward, who is she?" the unknown girl asked suddenly. I turned to face her finally taking in her appearance. She was small, petite and her light brown hair clearly displayed that careful consideration was taken into styling it.

Edward didn't look at her. "She's just an old friend of mine."

She frowned. "Doesn't seem like that to me."

"You don't have to worry… she's not worth your time or mine."

_Not worth your time._

_**Not worth Edward's time.**_

I suddenly felt this crushing weight crashing against me. My head suddenly hurt and my hands began to shake.

"Really," I said with a broken voice, "nothing? All that I am? Nothing, aren't I? Of course, why would I be worth anything else?" I didn't realize that I was on the verge of hysterics.

"How dare you say that?" Jacob boomed with fury, but it sounded miles away in my mind. At this moment all I was aware of was Edward.

"Bella…" he whispered his face displaying conflicting emotions.

I yanked out of Jacob's and turned on my heel. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I needed to get away from him and from everyone else.

I stormed off towards the bridge hoping to put distance between me and everything else.

"Wait! Bella come back!" Jacob called after me.

"Leave me alone!"

"Bella!" Edward called out. I halted in my step standing in the center of bridge. My body shook more violently. Tears falling from my eyes.

Why was it always Edward that could stop me? Why did I always stop for him?

I didn't turn around, but walked towards the barriers of the bridge that was built for security and safety. My hands grazed the moss that grew upon the old wood. My eyes watched the water and how it seemed to pull anything and everything down with it.

"Bella," his voice called to me again. I finally looked at him and notice how Edward had abandoned his place next to the other girl approaching me. Jacob stiffened, but Edward only gave him a passing glance before continued towards me. He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed.

I could only shake my head at his hesitation.

And then suddenly everything was shaking. Startled, I lost my footing and fell to my knees grabbing for anything to help support me.

All I heard was someone shouting my name and then I was falling. There were pieces and fragments of wood all around me as I was engulfed by cold water. Pain shot through my body my limbs stinging by the coldness. And then there was darkness.

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Reviews are nice... hint hint.


	9. Jacob

**This is kind of like an intermission. Jacob's Pov. There's really nothing new to it and actually no point in this, but it helps me build up to the next thing. It just seems right that I place this here because this was typed out for awhile.**

**Enjoy **

**Standard Disclaimer applies**

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Jacob POV

You look at her and you feel this odd feeling of warmth consume you. You feel as giddy as a child on Christmas morning every time she smiles. 'She's smiling at _you_', you remind yourself which always initiates a grin of your own. But sometimes she's not smiling. Sometimes when she's thinking, and when you're watching (you really stare, but you deny, deny, _deny)_ you see her eyes cloud over with uncertainty and you see her lips tremble, (she looks broken) and you know why she looks so lost in her world. She's thinking of _him, _that Cullen guy. The very thought of his name makes you sneer in disgust. He broke her. He didn't want her, but you do.

You want her to keep smiling, to smile at you. You want her to smile when she thinks about _you _and not _him. _You want to be the reason her eyes cloud over, but not with pain, but with pure joy, with want. You _need _her to _want _you, but you can see that she's stubborn, maybe not with you, but with herself. She can't let _him _go, but patience is a virtue.

You soon learn that when you take her hand in yours, she seems to relax and whatever seems to bother her is forgotten for a moment. Your chest swells with pride at this discovery and you find yourself grabbing for her hand whenever possible. She is soft and warm.

Your patience is paying off. She seems to always come to you when she has no where else to go. She always comes to you and you feel like your closer to your wish. You wish that she will care for you as much as you do for her. And although you are glad that she comes to you, it upsets you to know that she comes to you when she's hurting.

She never says what upsets her or tells you that she was crying, but you know that it's always _his _fault and you can tell when she cries because her whole body seems to be worn out. When she sulks, though, you never worry too much because her posture shows that she's upset now, but she'll be okay. Bella is strong and she will always bounce back on her feet.

So when she gives you a surprise visit one afternoon you find yourself not all that worried that she's crying again, but then you stop. She's actually crying. She never cries in front of you. Never. You feel even more frightened when her posture is different this time. Her body is slack, shaking with her sobs, and it's shown that she's given up. And all you can do at this moment is take her in your arms and rub her back.

You can't bear this kind of agony because she continues to cry. You don't know what to do and you begin to worry that she'll never stop crying. You can't bear to imagine this. And then she stops. She becomes quiet and still, aside from the quiet sounds of her sniffles, but she doesn't look any better. You can't handle this and you find yourself announcing that the two of you will be going somewhere. You inwardly grin as you think of your secret (not so much) place where you go to when you feel like escaping from this world (which has been occurring more and more lately).

Bella is confused, so you take her hand and you can't help but notice that she seems to relax slightly. The whole walk there you never take your hand from hers and when she begins to stumble on the forest floor you guide her in the most caring way you can muster. She's fragile, you think, and she deserves to be guided this way, to be held this way.

When her warm brown eyes widen with fascination you know that everything will be okay, that she'll be okay. The both of you quietly hold each others hand and embrace the tranquility of nature.

And then _he _shows up. All you can do is glare and suddenly you find yourself thinking violent thoughts, all consisting of ripping the _pretty boy _in front of you into pieces. Words are exchanged and your temper is rising, but all of it turns to concern when Bella seems to freak out. She speaks quickly, her words staccato. She has always had a way with words, but now it seems like she's at a loss. And then she storms off and all you want to do at this moment is take her in your arms and push the Cullen boy away from her as far as possible.

Throughout your friendship with Bella you began to start wishing like a little boy on Christmas Eve. You wish for only one thing. The one thing you want most is for her to fall for you because you know you'll be there to catch her, but when you find yourself shouting in pure terror at the sight of the collapsing bridge, to see her failing arms struggling to grab something, anything, dread overcomes your entire being.

You hate yourself because she finally fell and you weren't there to catch her.

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**I'm sorry that this was short, but really would it be any better if it was longer? I think I typed all that was necessary for this particular character.**

**By the way, I absolutely adore Jacob, but not the movie one. It killed it.**

**Review!**


	10. Part 2 Edward: Chapter 1

A/N: My apologies for the lack of an update for this fanfiction. My muse is entirely taking over my body from the looks of all my updates. I intend to make this fanficiton my priority as of now and I hope that I can keep this ideal up to par.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters of Twilight. They are only a figment of imagination in Stephenie Meyer's mind not mine.

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Part 2: Edward

Chapter 1

Everything had happened so quickly. One minute my date and I were taking a stroll in the woods when we came across Bella and the Black boy. The surprise I felt from seeing them together was quickly overridden by the puffiness of her eyes. She had been crying. Anger coursed through me. Did Black make her cry? I was going to pound him to the ground, but then I noticed the way she seemed to avoid my gaze. It didn't talk long for me to figure out that, it wasn't Jacob that made her cry, but me.

Despite the feel of self-loathing that ran through me, I couldn't stop the hostile tone of my voice towards the other boy. I never liked him, don't think I ever will. My eyes had darted towards his arm when he reached out for Bella.

I couldn't exactly explain why it suddenly made my body heat up with fury.

And then chaos reigned all around me.

Shock was the first to hit me, followed shortly by panic, and then gut wrenching fear.

"BELLA!" Jacob shouted

I didn't have time to tell the girl beside me to release my hand. I ripped it away from her as I sprinted, my heels right behind Jacob's. I watched with horror as Bella's body plummeted towards the water. Completely submerged I couldn't see her. My body ran cold when I started to see blots of blood converging with the water. Blood pumping, heart beating I called out for her. "Bella!"

"Shit," Jacob said from beside me, but I ignored him. We had to save Bella!

Through the blood that was beating in my ears I somehow managed to hear the sound of clothes rustling. Looking to my side I watched with wide eyes as Jacob tore his jacket off and took a few steps back. He took a deep breath, then another before holding his breath and throwing himself into the icy cold water. "Jacob!" I yelled after him. Damn reckless fool! It would be useless to save Bella if he injured himself, too!

Turning to the girl that stood behind me, eyes wide with fear, I barked at her, "Call 911!" Not waiting for a reply I kept my eyes on Jacob's struggling form as I ran along the side of the river. He went with the current pedaling with all his strength. With a deep breath he went underwater only to come back up a few seconds later.

"I found her!" and then he went under again. It felt like hours passed before he resurfaced with an arm pulling Bella's unmoving form close to him. He used his free hand to stay above the surface, his breath coming out in puffs due to the cold.

My own breath was coming out rapidly as I looked ahead. I twinge of relief ran through me at the sight. "Jacob!" I shouted hoping he could hear me, "up ahead! Try to swim to the bank!" I watched his dark hair whip around in the direction I spoke of. It was shallow up ahead and he could easily drag himself and Bella out to safety.

I pushed more speed into my legs in order to reach the bank before them so I could help the now weakening teen boy. Ignoring the chill of the water, I ran into the water arms reaching out for them. "Give me, Bella."

Jacob only groaned before doing as I said. The girl felt so light in my arms. Wrapping my arms under her I carried her to solid ground, Jacob following after me. Placing her on the ground I brushed brown strands away to feel her pale face. "How is she? I think she was injured," Jacob tried to say through his pants. He was beside me on all fours his eyes frantic.

My eyes scanned over her body, but found only small cuts and bruises. My eyes narrowed. I could have sworn there was blood earlier.

I spoke to soon when I noticed the pebbles beneath her head turning crimson. I cursed out pulling my own jacket off. "She has a head injury."

"What? Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know the severity of her injury. The only thing we can do is put pressure on the wound. Lift her head for me, gently," I ordered him. With his large hands he obeyed. "Careful with her neck." He gave me enough space so that I could wrap my jacket around her head.

"Edward! Edward!" a feminine voice called out. Both our heads whipped around at the sound, my hands not moving from Bella's head. The girl, Kristina, ran towards me. "The paramedics are coming, but they can't send a helicopter because of the weather! But there's a road right through the trees that way," her hand pointed in the direction she was speaking of. "They said for us to wait for them there!"

My head nodded letting her know that I understood. Making sure that Bella's head was cradled securely in my shoulder I hoisted her body with mine my arms wound tightly around her. My body shook when I could smell the raw stench of blood through her pleasant scent of freesias.

Kristina led the way towards the road. No one said a word. The only sound that was heard was the sound of our foot steps against the shrubbery.

After a few minutes of walking, flashing lights of red and blue peered through the trees. A sigh of relief left my lips. When we emerged from the woods, a gurney was pulled up to us. The paramedic in charge instructed me to lay her gently on the bedding while another guided Jacob away putting a blanket over him.

Throughout all that happened I had forgotten that Jacob was still wet and could suffer from hypothermia. Sure that he was being taken care of I turned my attention back on the man who was giving Bella a quick check up. "She'll be fine, but we need to seal the wound." The man turned already pushing her away from me.

Watching them walk away I snapped out of my daze. "I need to stay with her."

The man didn't even look back while he tucked a blanket around Bella before calling out, "Hurry then."

I climbed into the back of the ambulance briskly my hand immediately searching for Bella's. The cold that emitted from her skin made my stomach turn uncomfortably. Pulling my face closer to hers I ran a finger along her cheek. "It's going to be okay," I reassured her, although I knew my words of comfort reached deaf ears. Maybe I was trying to comfort myself.

My eyes never left her pale face and it wasn't until she was pulled away did I realize that I was currently in the waiting room. I watched with listless eyes as they pushed her to the emergency wing.

Now left alone I sank into the chair behind me, various kinds of emotions hitting me at once. My head fell into my hands. I let out a soft moan laced with sorrow. Regret was the first emotion that I understood. The regret of my last words to her. I had told her that _she wasn't worth my time. _My eyes squeezed shut. Bullshit. It was utter bullshit, a complete lie, but, my teeth gritted together sharply, she believed every word.

Watching her fall, everything had seemed to slow down. The image of Bella being suspended in the air, gravity pulling her down, left my heart thrumming wildly. The fear that she could be hurt, that she was hurt, was nothing compared to the fear that she could have _died._

My body had been frozen on the spot, and had Jacob not been there, I may have gone after her too late. She would have been lost in the current. Fist clenched. I should have been the one to go after her. She was important to me, but I froze up when it really mattered. I was completely useless. I can't do anything right!

Pushing my palm against my closed lids so hard I couldn't even think, I tried to push the image of Bella's expression of pure, utter hurt before she stormed away. She was more than just an old friend to me. She was everything!

And in that one moment, she could have easily been taken away.

The sound of a frantic voice brought me back to the present. Begrudgingly I lifted my head to look for the source of the voice. It was Bella's father, Charlie. He stormed to the front desk demanding the condition of his only daughter. His eyes were burning with concern and fear.

I grimaced. Charlie wouldn't be able to handle it if he lost Bella. Neither could I.

"Charlie," I called out my voice hoarse. His head spun around at the sound and he immediately walked up to me.

"What happened? How is she?" His words came out in such a rush it almost sounded like one question.

I took a deep breath before I relayed all that happened from the moment she had fallen to when she was taken into the emergency room. Knowing speaking of his daughter being in danger was an extremely fragile subject, I chose my words carefully speaking to him slowly so not to upset him.

With every word, Charlie seemed to age, his face turning grave, wrinkling with worry. When I finished speaking, he, too, collapsed in the chair behind him. With his body sprawled out he gave me a long look. "Thank you, Edward."

"…What for?"

"For being there. If you hadn't… I don't even want to think about it," his voice shook.

My head lowered in my hands again. "You should be thanking Jacob. He's the one who pulled her out despite the odds against him."

"Where is he anyway?"

I barely managed to shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. They took him into one of the rooms to make sure he didn't suffer from hypothermia."

Charlie said nothing more, probably deep in his thoughts just as I was.

I had spoken only the truth to Bella at the meadow. It was true that I couldn't handle being around her anymore, but not for the reasons she may have believed.

I always knew Bella had feelings for me, but I could never imagine that she could possibly be _in love_ with me. Of course, she never admitted to this (although it had almost slipped out), but any person could easily see through her warm chocolate eyes. Her eyes were just so expressive. I remembered when I always compared them to mud commencing her to have that almost permanent blush of anger appear just like a harmless kitten.

I wanted our relationship to work, I truly did. But then I finally realized the depth of her emotions, how much I really meant to her. I wasn't sure how to handle that kind of emotion and it was almost smoldering me so I did the only thing I could think of: I broke it off with the hopes that I wasn't too late to do so. The last thing I wanted for her was to be too attached to me. I didn't want to hurt her anymore than I had to.

But I had to cringe at the pain that flashed through her once warm eyes. I soon realized my mistake. It was already too late; she was going to hurt regardless of whatever happened. Why couldn't I have just said "no" when she had first brought up the concept of a relationship?

After that it wasn't the same. She seemed to avoid me, but who wouldn't? I didn't even want to look at myself either. Only a monster could hurt some one as special, fragile as Bella. I was that monster.

Time had passed and I wanted nothing more than to give her a peace offering, something, _anything, _to let her know that I still treasured our friendship. Despite what happened she was still an important person to me that I didn't want to live without.

The night at the dance I felt something jump in my chest at the sight of her. There was no doubt in any logical person's mind that Bella looked absolutely beautiful. Her simple presence gave me the courage to finally try and speak to her again. It gave me hope. I tried to approach her and inwardly winced when Bella seemed to want to run away. Pain flashed across her eyes and the boy next to her wrapped his arm around her protectively. I almost wanted to snap out at him that I wasn't going to hurt her, but it was clear that I already did. And as her date pulled her away I watched as a sudden feeling crept to my chest. I didn't understand it, but this mystery was short lived as I continued to fester with my self-loathing.

As time passed, I simple… gave up. Bella clearly didn't want to speak to me anymore. So with thoughts of a beautiful blushing brown eyed girl pushed to the back of my mind I sought for a distraction. I tried to bury myself in countless piano composition, but almost as if she was sitting right next to me, I could hear her voice in the back of my mind telling me all her opinions of each piece.

This made me miss her terribly.

My life long hobby was clearly not an effective distraction so I decided to change my method and started dating. It was going fairly well as far as dating could go, but the girl was simply not interesting. She spoke of trivial things that were the last thing on my mind and she was superficial. In all truth, I felt nothing for her, but I tolerated her.

But one day when she felt that it was too cold and decided it would be best to _snuggle _against me. I couldn't help but notice her brown hair and that it _wasn't _as soft as Bella's. Realizing that this reminder was counter productive and only made Bella's absence more apparent, I broke it off with her.

In time, I met another girl. She held conversations easier than the last girl, and I found that I actually enjoyed her company to some point. She had blonde hair, so I didn't have to be weary of it reminding me of the one I was trying not to think about. The sun came out suddenly and the rays seemed to reflect of her skin, and for a moment I thought I was holding Bella's hand from the looks of it. I then made the realization that both girls had strangely pale skin. This was just another reminder that I didn't need.

As awful as it sounds, I moved to another girl. She had blond hair and blue eyes, but she smelled exactly like Bella, although not as good as her.

And then the next: She had brown eyes, not as dark and expressive as Bella's.

Bella, Bella, Bella.

She was everywhere. I just couldn't forget about how much I longed that she was still around me, that she still smiled at me.

And just as I had told her at the meadow, I couldn't handle it. She was simply too much for me. I had felt all kinds of emotions when she finally came to me. I had wanted to tease her for being able to make it to that place in one piece, but the urge to pull her close was pulsing through me. As she spoke I spent the whole time taking in ever minute detail of her appearance. Her heart shaped face, the way the sun's rays reflected of her brown hair giving a tint of red, the way her eyes seemed to look at me through her dark lashes.

My eyes were, most of all, drawn to her lips. With every word she spoke I watched as her lips moved and formed with her words. I took in the sight of her slightly reddened lower lip due to the abuse of her chewing habit.

The urge to pull her close had been strong, but the urge to pull her lips to mine was dominating above anything else I've ever felt. It felt as if it was wrecking through me tearing me apart from the inside. The temptation was so powerful that it was almost devastatingly dangerous.

And it _terrified_ me.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

"Edward."

At the sound I shook my head of my thoughts. "Carlisle?"

Charlie and I both stood desperate for news. Charlie was the first to ask, "How is she?"

Carlisle gave him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder while look him straight in the eyes. "Bella is going to be perfectly fine." But something flashed through his eyes and Charlie saw.

"What is it?" words laced with unadulterated worry.

Carlisle took a deep breath withdrawing his hand. "She suffered from some trauma on her head. We managed to patch her up perfectly, so the risk of her bleeding out is no longer there," Charlie frowned at that thought, "but we don't know if the blow caused any internal damage. We won't be able to find out until she wakes up."

"How long till she can take visitors?" his voice was eager to see his only daughter.

"Right now would be perfectly fine," I took a step forward, his eyes darted to me, "one at a time though."

A frown appeared on my lips, but I nodded my understanding.

I watched both adults as they retreated towards the recovery wing. Their conversation faintly reaching my ears, "Bella may not be awake when you see her."

"That's fine, as long as I can see that she's okay."

My eyes closed as I sat myself down again. _As long as she's okay._

I didn't care if I was the last one to see her, as long as she was alive and breathing than I would perfectly happy.

Thirty minutes passed, which is longer than any typical visit to someone who may not be conscious. Concern began to flow through me. Did something happen? Did she relapse into a coma because of her head injury? God, today was a terrible day.

Upon hearing the sounds of footsteps against the tile floor my eyes turned toward the recovery wing to see Charlie. His face had lightened considerable, lines of stress and worry seemed to be alleviated. I took this as good news.

I stood to greet him. "I don't mean to be invasive, but that was quite a long time for you to be visiting Bella."

He only grinned softly. "She woke up." This took me by surprise. "Bella was always a fighter," he continued proudly, "your father said it would be okay for you to go in now, but he told me to let you know that he wouldn't be there when you came in and," he gave him a pointed fatherly look, "that it's late and you have school early tomorrow. Go home and rest."

I chuckled softly. "Yes, sir."

Adjusting his jacket he patted my back before heading out with a 'have a good one, kid' parting.

I waved after him before heading towards Bella's room quickly.

When I reached it I gave it a few knocks and hearing a small 'come in', I pushed the door aside. The flooded gates of relief burst open when I was meet with deep brown eyes. I finally let out the breath I didn't even know I was holding and a smile came to my lips. Bella had long been stripped of her clothing and donned a plain hospital gown. With her bed inclined, I could clearly see the bandage that was wrapped around her head. Her complexion was pale, even more so than usual and there were deep circles under her eyes. Her lips were cracked and I watched, almost entranced, as her small pink tongue appeared to moisten them.

Despite her slightly rugged appearance she was still beautiful. She gave me a shy smile that warmed my chest before opening her mouth to speak.

Her words froze me in my spot, my blood running cold.

"Excuse me, but do I know you?" My breath was stolen from me. Her smile turned apologetic. "I'm sorry if I'm being rude."

No, she was the farthest thing from rude. It was perfectly natural that the trauma to her head could cause a relapse of memory. It was completely plausible for her to forget who I was.

But in the back of my mind I felt something shatter.

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A/N: Yep... there you have it. It took me quite a bit to get back into the flow of the characters, especially Edward. He's a rather paradox person, but I think on some concepts I did rather well.

As I said before, I'm going to _try _and keep the completion of this story my priority.

Reviews are appreciated!


	11. Chapter 2

A/N: I have a LOT of time on my hands honestly. I figured it would be best to finish this up as soon as possible, so I could focus on my other works. Anyway, I was feeling very angsty all day, so I think it was appropriate for this.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer's stuff, okay? Got it? Good. Now read! :)

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Chapter 2

I knew it. Karma did exist, but, dammit, was it supposed to hurt this much?

"You… don't remember me?" Bella's face turned thoughtful her eyes narrowing to scrutinize me. The whole time my heart was pounding in my chest almost calling out to her. "Bella?"

She hummed softly. "Well, obviously you know me because you called me "Bella" and not "Isabella", but," a weak smile, "I don't have an inkling clue who you could be."

It felt like a punch in the gut. Not able to stay on my feet anymore I guided myself to a chair by her bedside. Her eyes stayed glued on me glazing with worry. I took some comfort that in spite of the situation at hand she still held concern for me. My body sank in the chair in defeat. "I need to speak with my father," I said more to myself.

She blinked. "Why him?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Because he's the doctor that treated you."

"Oh, Carlisle?"

Eye brows furrowed. "You know his name."

"Of course, he's a family friend."

"You… remember him." It sounded more like a question rather than a statement. "But you don't remember me?" She shook her head.

This couldn't possibly get any worse… could it?

Just my luck. I had my mind set on making amends with Bella in hopes that we could repair the bond that we once had. But how could I possibly do that when she couldn't even seem to figure out who I am.

"You seem distraught," her voice turned soft.

I laughed once, dry and humorless, "Do I?" I was a little more than distraught. My eyes sought hers searching deep within for some glint of acknowledgement or even a spark of the affection her beautiful eyes used to always be illuminated by. But it wasn't there, only apprehension. I inwardly scoffed. Of course, she probably thought I was some crazed fool that walked into the wrong room. My head fell into my hands and I let out a groan of frustration.

"Bella, how are you fee- Edward! I didn't expect you to still be here."

I didn't look up already recognizing the voice of my father. "I got held up."

"Oh, well when I'm finished here I want you to go straight home," his voice was stern. The sound of rustling papers reached my ears. I could only assume that it was a file containing information on Bella's condition. "Back to you, Bella. How are you managing now?"

"I'm doing okay, just a bit worn."

"A night of rest will fix that right up."

But nothing was going to fix the ache in my chest.

"Carlisle," I lift my head from my hands, "she doesn't remember me."

His attention snapped towards me his forehead scrunching up. "Is that so?" He turned to Bella, putting her file on her bed. "Bella, do you know who this young man is." She turned to take in my appearance, but shook her head. Carlisle let out a hum of wonder. "Can remember how you got here."

Bella pursed her lips her eyes looking into the distance. "I… remember that it was cold," her eyes squeezed shut and she placed her palm to her bandaged forehead, "I was with Jake and," (great, she remembered that boy, but not me. I tried not to feel so bitter about this revelation.) she seemed to be struggling, "I remember falling." Her body tensed and she let out a soft whimper of pain. My body tensed at the sound. I hated the Bella was in pain.

Carlisle quickly pulled her hand away from her face and laid it on her lap. "Don't force yourself."

"No, its fine," she gave him a weak smile. He nodded slowly before crossing his arms in front of him.

"It seems that you're not suffering from short term memory loss. Can you remember what you ate today?"

There was a moment of pause, "Cereal for breakfast and a ham sandwich for lunch." Her eyes widened slightly, "Oh, I hope Charlie managed to eat something for dinner!"

Carlisle chuckled softly. "He's a grown man. I'm sure he'll live one night without you having to feed him. Now, tell me what you remember about me."

Her smile was strong this time, "You always used to patch me up when I was little."

Carlisle grinned at her, "You were always such an accident prone child. I'll tell you what, you lie back down and get some sleep and we'll talk more about this tomorrow."

"Thanks, Carlisle," she said with genuine appreciation. He only nodded his head before turning towards me. With a gesture of his hand, I knew he wanted me to follow him.

Getting up from my seat I gave Bella a long look, my face softening dramatically.

"I hope you feel better tomorrow, Bella." But I hoped more so that she would remember me tomorrow.

Bella smiled, "Thank you." A thought ran through her eyes, and I watched as she seemed to want to say something else. "I'm sorry again about this whole incident and," she bit her lip. My eyes immediately darted towards the action before going back to meet her eyes, "can you tell me your name please?"

A long sigh left my lips, shaking. "My name is Edward." Forcing a grin to my face I continued, "Better listen to the doctor's orders. I'll be seeing you later."

"Right," she laughed softly and it sounded like music to my ears, "good night, Edward."

My heart jumped at the sound of my name. It seemed so long ago when she last said my name with a genuine smile on her lips. It felt like a decade ago when things used to be okay between us, but things were far from okay now. My fist clenched my side and I was grateful that she didn't notice.

Taking my leave, I gently closed the door behind me before walking by Carlisle's side towards his office. He remained silent, as did I. Raging thoughts plagued my mind. Whatever Carlisle need to say it must have been extremely important for he didn't reprimand me about staying out late or ask casually about my day. I followed after him through the door and quietly shut it behind me before turning to my father.

"Well?"

Carlisle's face turned gravely serious. "How much do you know about amnesia?"

My body shook, but I answered honestly, "Not much besides basic memory loss."

"Son, I never ask about your personal life- and I won't again after this- but tell me, what was the main reason you and Bella stopped talking?"

This was the last thing I wanted to talk about, but if it was going to help Bella than damn the pain that ran through me as I relayed all (while omitting most things I would never dare tell my father) that had happened. He said nothing only occasionally nodding his head. When I started to mention the conversation at the meadow and Bella's reaction, his eyes sharpened. My recalled memories slowed in pace as I watched his reaction, but I continued on getting into details of the encounter at the bridge.

By the time I was finished, my mouth had run dry and I swallowed thickly at the look my father gave me.

With a long sigh he spoke, "Have you ever heard of the incidents where a domestically abused woman would sometimes forget the beatings all together."

I nodded my head, "but that's psychological. Somehow the mind blocks out unwanted memories because they are too painful for the person to bear."

"Exactly," he closed his eyes, "I think from what you told me, Bella was hurting," his voice turned almost angry, "severely." I stood my ground, but I knew the idea of his own son hurting someone as sweet as Bella, whom he had always accepted her as his own daughter, had caused his protective side to emerge. "I think that her injury is not the source of this slight amnesia, but the pain of the experience. It may be that the injury just initiated it. I believe that her subconscious mind is forcefully blocking all memories that had anything to do with you being that it was too painful to bear."

My breath left me and I felt my body go slack. I didn't hurt Bella that much, did I? But now was not the time to think about the devastation I felt. "Other than that though," my voice was achingly soft barely even a whisper, "she's going to be okay, right?"

Carlisle gave me a short nod. "Physically she's fine. She's just suffering from some psychological trauma. It appears that all her other memories seem intact because she easily recalled Jacob, myself, and most of what she experienced today. She's only forgotten you," his voice lowered, "I'm sorry, son. I know how important she is to you."

I just shook my head trying to clear it of all the painful events that had happened today. "I can't believe it," a dry laugh left my lips, "and I always tried not to hurt her. What a terrible day." Of course, that was an understatement. "I'll come see Bella later." I ran a hand through my hair.

Carlisle walked up to me his hand on my shoulder. "You've had a rough day. I'm sure that we can figure everything out eventually. Go home, get some rest. Things will get better."

Carlisle's words were anything but reassure.

XxXx

The next morning I was opting whether or not I should just skip class today, but thought better of it. Esme would scold me to the ground for the lack of responsibility. I sighed preparing myself for the day. The whole school was bound to hear about Bella's accident and someone needed to be there to reassure that "yes, she's okay just a head injury" (but she can't remember a thing about me) and "no, she's not dead" (but I could be dead for as far as she knows).

I never could handle depression well.

Alice had been surprised when I revealed that I was a lost thought in Bella's mind. She had been worried out of her mind when she heard of the incident and when I had finally arrived home she had bombarded me with a series of twenty questions. I could see in her eyes that she was concerned, yes, but she wasn't the one Bella forgot. Alice slept in my room last night, a habit that we formed when we were children when one of us felt too overwhelmed to be alone.

"_Bella's a strong girl. And so are you. Both of you will pull through," _she had told me.

And just as Carlisle's words had been, hers were just as reassuring as his. It did nothing to settle the uncomfortable feeling in my chest.

The moment school let out, I made a beeline to the hospital leaving Alice with Rosalie (although the little pixie had thrown a fit about wanting to see Bella too, but I quieted her with on look. She understood). The speed that I was driving at caused a flash of memory to emerge.

"_Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! Slow down or so help me I will jump out of this car right now!" Bella screamed her voice obviously coated with pure terror. "Are you trying to get us killed?"_

_I could only laugh at her expression before appeasing to her request. Slowing to a reasonable speed, Bella finally deemed it safe and placed both her feet on the floor from her previous fetal position. _

"_I'll have you know," her voice shaky with the change of volume, "if we crash I don't think I'll live." I arched an eyebrow. "But you on the other hand, you'll find some way- I don't know how- to survive and walk away still looking tragically handsome with your hair blowing with the wind like in a shampoo commercial."_

The memory brought a smile to my face. Bella and her overly dramatic scenarios.

My hands squeezed the steering wheel. Since when did I become drastically sentimental? Even when she was absent from my life I didn't think about the past this frequently. Yes, I admitted, occasionally when I would hear her voice, not directed to me of course, my ears would perk to the sound, savoring her usual quiet shy voice (when she wasn't yelling at me) committing it to heart.

But never had I intentionally thought of Bella for the sake of knowing that at one point she thought so highly of me. With jaw tightening so harshly it almost pained me, I forcefully stomped all thoughts to the farthest corner of darkness called my mind.

The journey to her room remained a blur to me. I tried with much difficulty to be hospitable to the majority of the faculty that greeted me, but every stalling moment was a moment that I desperately needed to speak with Bella. Barely restraining myself from barging her door open after a few sharp raps to her door, I walked in with my face schooled into impassiveness. I was greeted with the sight of Bella intensely reading one of her classic favorite books, _Wuthering Heights. _

The sound of the seat by her bedside being occupied pulled her face out the literature in her hands. She gave me a shy smile before closing the book and laying it on her lap, her hands folded above it.

Neither of us spoke and I took this moment to take in her appearance. Overall she looked drastically better from the previous day. Some color had returned to her normally pale face to the point that she didn't have a pasty complexion anymore. Being that I was gazing at her so intently caused her signature blush to appear giving her face even more color. I didn't realize that I was almost half expecting her to snap at me for staring.

But I knew she wouldn't. Although physically she looked like Bella, the thoughts that were being displayed in her expressive eyes weren't what the Bella that had acknowledged me once before would look like.

Not able to stand being stared at any longer she finally spoke with a timid smile, "Hello Edward. How are you today?"

Her courteous words sent a whirlwind of unfamiliarity between us as if we've never known each other before. The comfort I used to feel around her was stiff and tense, almost so rigid it would break. She didn't know me, but I knew her, if only she could realize that.

"I'm well and yourself?" Speaking to her so politely set a different taste in my mouth. I wasn't used to it nor did I like it.

"I'm glad to hear that," her words were sincere. "As for me, well," she smiled, "I could do better."

I would have laughed had I not felt so distressed. Scratching the back of my neck then tangling my fingers before me I leaned forward, my forearms against my thighs. I couldn't look at her face. Uncertainty shook my body. "That's good," I hesitated, "Bella, do you really not remember who I am?"

I finally managed to muster up the courage to meet her in the eyes. Her lids languidly closed before they opened again. She frowned and bit her lip.. I forced my eyes to stay glued to her brown ones. With a long sigh she shook her head slowly. "I'm sorry Edward. I don't know how you are," she turned her face away and began chewing her lip.

A range of curses ran through my mind. I half expected her to remember something, anything, but the fact that her face remained almost completely blank, in contrast to the way I forcefully maintained my straight face, let my heart heaving uncomfortably.

Her voice reached my ears barely. "Who are you to me?"

Suddenly I was at a cross road my body freezing, dangerous thoughts running through my head. Two different conversations sounded in the back of my mind.

The first: _You and I grew up together as childhood friends. I was important to you, as you were to me. And despite your inability to remember me, I would like to continue our friendship._

Or, the darker part of me whispered tantalizingly, in addition to the part about her importance to me: _We were really close. You actually love me._

It was short, but it spoke of so much. Forbidden thoughts of having Bella believe that she still loved me despite the pain I constantly caused her was so tempting. I could easily plant the idea that I had never caused her emotional harm that we could start over. She could easily never realize that she originally never wanted to be around me before…

_Come on, Edward. Just a few words and Bella can be yours,_ the dark voice taunted.

It would be so easy to manipulate Bella…

_NO!_

Bella was not a person that could be toyed with! She was the most endearing special person that could ever exist! She didn't deserve something like that!

A massive amount of self loathing ran through me almost drowning me. I had to physically keep myself from breathing irregularly. I couldn't even apprehend the thoughts that just ran through my mind. It was preposterous! Inhumane! Only a monster would even go through with those thoughts.

The urge to punish myself for even thinking those thoughts was overbearing. I was truly a terrible person.

Forcing a smile through the disgust I felt, I finally answered her, "Bella, we grew up together…"

XxXx

With my fingers on the final keys I held it there to allow the remaining notes of my finished melody to drown into silence. A long sigh left my lips before my fingers began to move for another composition, maybe Fur Elise this time. As my fingers began to move with the long memorized rhythms a small dark laugh escaped my lips.

This particular piece always seemed to contradict itself. The first few measures sounding almost mysteriously contemplative only to change in tempo to a lighter beat, as if to resemble the happiness of a small child.

But it sounded like empty joy. I felt no joy and couldn't even dream of trying to force such an emotion even through music. Not even half way through the composition my fingers stilled, repositioning more familiarly to begin another piece. It didn't take long for the rhythm to run its course, the tempo set with the beat of my heart.

Bella's lullaby.

I remembered the night I composed it. We were fourteen. Charlie had been injured in an unfortunate accident while on duty and was left to recuperate overnight at the hospital. Bella had been near hysterics. With concern for her wellbeing Esme allowed her to stay with us.

Being so unsettled she didn't get much sleep, until I convinced her to sit by me while I played in hopes that it would soothe her.

It wasn't until I was staring right at her saddened face did my digits move on their own accord creating a piece that I never dreamed of creating on my own. Bella heard the difference.

_I don't remember this one _she had told me.

I had grinned softly at her before saying _you just inspired it. _

When she smiled it seemed to cause my fingers to speed up with the tempo. It felt so right playing it for her, in front of her. _This is your lullaby, _I told her softly, _every time you're upset this song will help ease your pain. _It had also helped eradicate mine as well for every time this timeless lullaby sounded from the chords of my piano she would smile.

My face scrunched up my fingers suddenly confused. It was sloppy this time my fingers slipping or using the wrong chords until finally, unable to bear the mutilation of a beautiful piece, I tore my fingers away my breath coming out deeply. It didn't sound right or feel right. Not only was I making mistakes (that rarely ever happened) the tone sounded wrong, lost.

Running both hands against my face then through my hair my head fell forward eyes clenched shut.

It truly wasn't her lullaby if Bella wasn't beside me while I played it.

"Wow that was pretty bad."

Not having the strength to speak, I merely mumbled an incoherent sound signifying that her comments were not welcomed. There was a small vibration underneath me showing that Alice had taken a seat next to me. I didn't look at her.

And then she began playing the familiar tune of _Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. _

Her voice was soft as she spoke, "I remember when you taught me this. Bella had asked you to play for her and this is what you chose to play," she laughed, so quiet it sounded as if she just breathed, "Although we were only ten it was really cute. You taught her," her voice turned teasing, "before you even bothered to think about teaching your sister."

The memory hit me hard taking my breath away. I could recall that day clearly. I pressed the heel of my palms against my eye lids to block out the memory. I couldn't handle it. "Alice… please don't do this," I groaned.

Knowing that the tune only required one hand to play she used her free hand to rub soothing circles on my back. "I talked to her today," she paused choosing her words carefully, "it seems as if, she could only faintly remember me."

"Probably because you were always around when she and I were together," I admitted the now familiar pang of regret flooding through me. "I'm sorry for that. It's my fault."

"You _really _don't handle depression well," she said dryly, "but you can't take the blame for everything, Edward. It's not like you planned for any of this to happen. It just did."

"I… can't help it. Everything is falling apart. I lost her as a friend before, now it feels like I lost her as a person completely."

I felt the weight of Alice's head upon my shoulder. "She is still Bella despite what you think. Go spend time with her. Maybe that will help trigger her memory."

My body stiffened. "I can't do that to her."

"Why is that?"

"Because the main reason she even forgot in the first place was because I caused her so much pain. If she remembers it'll be just like it was before: us not talking and her hurting."

I felt the motion of her shaking head. "Despite what you think you have to do this. Edward, you are a part of her and that part of her is gone right now. She needs you more than ever."

I finally picked my head up my voice shaking, "But what if she doesn't want my help? What if..." my words caught in my throat. Alice sat up straight looking at me expectantly. "What if she can be happy not knowing who I am?"

Alice's reaction was immediate. She punched my arm. "Never say that! God Edward! You are _pathetic_ right now!" I could only gape at her as she continued on. "She _loves _you. Bella _freaking _loves you, Edward, and you're trying to tell me that you think she'll be happier without you? Please! Tell me this doesn't sound right to you either, because it sure doesn't to me."

Finally able to gather my bearings I glared at her. "You're being ridiculous."

She punched me again, "No! You are!"

"Cut that out," I hissed while rubbing my arm.

"Fine," she huffed, "No more punching, but you're going to listen to me. You are having the most ridiculous train of thought in the history of our family tree! I mean I thought it was bad enough that you couldn't even figure out that you love Bella just as equally, but for you to thin-"

Her words caught my attention, "Wait, what did you say?"

Alice scoffed before mumbling something along the lines of _typical doesn't have a clue _and then she spoke again, "You love Bella, too."

Although I knew the extent of what she was speaking about I had to get her to elaborate, "Of course I do. We grew up together."

Her hand twitched almost as if wanting to punch me again. "No, I mean you're_ in_ love with her. As in the only reason your depressed right now is because you love her and she doesn't remember you."

My head shook briefly. "Alice, you don't know what you're talking about."

She arched an eyebrow before crossing her arms. "Do I? Fine then! Put your hands on the piano and play her lullaby."

"Why?" That wasn't going to help at all.

"Just do it, before I punch your pretty face next time."

With a roll of my eyes I did as she told and just as before, the tune was missing the tone of emotion that had originally created it. The longer I played it the more my heart seemed to ache. The sound of it was so distorted it made the hole in my chest pulse emitting just how empty it felt. I couldn't take this anymore. "Alice, whatever you're trying to prove it's not working."

"Keep playing," she urged me gently, "but do as I say. Close your eyes." I did as told. "Now, think back on that very moment you made this song. I want you to remember every detail of that night."

The image of my grand piano came in mind. The feeling of my fingers dancing across the keyboard tingled. Composing the melody had been so effortless, as easy as breathing. My heart beat thudded in my ears, smooth and continuous, but above all of this, the one thing that was the most distinct was the presence beside me.

Her scent was the first thing I noticed, soft alluringly floral. My vision moved to take her in. She wasn't looking at me only staring at the way my fingers move with a sense of enchantment. Bella always loved to watch me play. Her deep brown eyes were wide with fascination, gentle tears gleaming on the edges. Her hair was pulled away from her face in a messy makeshift bun, but some of her brown locks had fallen away when she had been earlier crying in distress. Her skin seemed almost translucent with only the light of my piano stand illuminating everything around us.

I remembered that this was the part where she would turn to me with a smile on her face. I also remembered where this seemed to be the part where my heart seemed to skip a beat, the temporary hitch unintentionally created a staggering triplet rhythm that had fitted so perfectly before returning to straight eights once again. A minuscule blush crept up my neck all the way to my cheeks. No girl had made me blush before. Only Bella.

Abruptly I was pulled back to the present, my eyes shooting open and my breath shallow. "Only Bella…" it was barely audible. It finally dawned on me. This lullaby was more than a sense of comfort for her. It was a musical composition of what I felt for her. Every reaction, any emotion, she made me feel was blatantly portrayed by every note, every dynamic difference. It seemed as if the rhythm represented the erratic changes of my heart beat every time she smiled at me.

My hands flew from the keys to cradle my face. Realization hit me harder than anything I've ever felt. I love Bella. I was in love with her. I always did, but never realized it. It seemed so obvious now. Had anyone else come by the sounds of it they would have immediately known that I was in love with her. But I had only played for her, the only exception being the occasional family members.

And then, to my eternal surprise, my eyes began to sting. I took a deep breath, and then another, but it came out shaking. I moaned aloud. "Alice, what am I going to do?"

Her small hand returned to rub soothing circles on my back and slowly she wrapped her petite arms around me. She said nothing, and despite the desperation I felt, I appreciated it, with the bottom of my heart.

I always loved Bella, but I was too blind to see it. Forget about my long forgotten worry of being romantically attached to her. I already was from the moment I played this for her and looked into the chocolate depths of her eyes.

And now… it may be too late. It didn't matter that I loved her so unconditionally because she didn't even know who I was!

All I could do was let the feeling of despair drown me with my thoughts- for once I allowed it- to circle around the girl that held my heart in her hands.

Karma really did hurt this much.

* * *

A/N: I think I'm writing Edward pretty well. He's very self absorbed in his thoughts always over thinking everything... the poor guy. And everybody has to have that one person to punch some sense into them once and a while. In this case, we have Alice! What a darling!

I'm starting wonder if it's my obsessive writing habits or the fact that the words just come to me easily is the reason why I manage to update so quickly... care to share your thoughts?

And I have a terrible kink that's awfully painful right now in my shoulder for remaining stationary for so long... it's like an old battle scar... Got from the first day I found fanfiction... ahhh memories.

Reviews are appreciated!


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